How the movie REALLY ended

We’ve all seen the cliché terrible movie. Bad plots, bad acting, bad special effects, did I mention bad plots? Instead of being enveloped by the magical world of motion pictures, you are left to ponder which major Motion Picture Company lost a bet and had to foot the bill for this cinematic atrocity.
Being the humanitarian I am, I will rewrite a few of these embarrassments and save everyone a lot of time and boredom by making them end in less than 5 minutes.

For the first installment, lets look back to our favorite early to mid 1990’s fast paced action thriller that takes place primarily on your local public transportation system.

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(The slightly more realistic version)

Jack- OK everyone, this is the situation, this bus is rigged with explosives and if the maximum speed of the bus dips below 50 miles per hour, we’re all dead.

Collective gasp from the passengers

Jack- I know, and it’s quite dumbfounding that a deranged explosives expert hungry for money would go out of his way to threaten the lives of a random handful of people on a public transportation bus rather than something on a larger scale such as a government building or national landmark.

Passenger 1- Plus, if he really wanted to be in control of the situation why wouldn’t he just use a remote detonator instead of giving us an exorbitant amount of time to plan and carry out an attempt at safe escape?

Jack- Good point. Regardless, we have to keep our cool and just wait this thing out. If anybody tries to get off of the bus, it will explode sending all other passengers on board to a horrible, fiery death. I’m sure given enough time the police can figure out some way to get us all off of this bus without harm

Bus Hobo- Spare change?

Annie- Bad news Jack, the bus is almost out of gas. I’d guess we have about 10 to 15 minutes before the tank empties and this bus is blown sky high.

Jack- That means we have to think fast… I think I know what has to be done. WHOA SWEET LOOK BEHIND YOU ANGELINA JOLIE IS TOTALLY FLASHING HER TITS!

Bus passengers turn and look behind them, Jack swiftly leaps from the bus, landing roughly but unharmed in the grass beside the highway.

Passenger 2- Shit.