Staff Picks

105% 105%
 

Subscribe to 105%

Get notified about new episodes via email, SMS and on CollegeHumor.

Learn More
105%-O-Matic

Issue #68

by 105%-O-Matic on

We can’t go two sentences without making a. Joke.

If pandas know Kung Fu, then how are they endangered?
-Dom Tetro
Am I the only one who thinks NASCAR would be a lot more fun if after the 250th lap they have to start turning right?
-Richard Conran
Darfur’s poverty level is at an all-time high. Why not send some of your clothes to those less fortunate? Surely they’ll wash them for you at a reasonable price.
-Patrick Cassels
Pick-up Lines That Don’t Work Like They Used To
- Are you smuggling sandbags in your skirt or do you just have the perfect hip structure to bear my children?
- You smell like sh*t.
- Don’t worry babe, I can protect you from dragons.
-Tyler Reiriz
Drunk Math Geek
“Man I’m so hammered, I’m not even rating girls on a base 10 system anymore! It’s all binary, baby.”
-Kevin Slane
Worm 1: Feel that? Its raining.Worm 2: Wanna go out and die on the sidewalk?
Worm 1: God yeah.
-Jay Walker
More-Specific Snack Food Insults Beyond “Oreo” and “Twinkie”
Chicken nugget: short coward
Mixed nuts: multiracial lunatics
Ritz cracker: preppy white guy
Beef jerky: mean-spirited gym rat
-Hallie Cantor
I’m concerned about the environment and rising energy costs, so I’m making a serious effort to feel guiltier about my air conditioners.
-Jeff Rubin
I’d masturbate five times in one day, but I don’t want to be a sore loser.
-Dan Gurewitch
Click here to submit your own 105%.
See More Popular Articles
Like this Article
URL Close
105%-O-Matic

105%-O-Matic

View Profile
Recent Articles
More
uPick
Roommate Confessions Roommate pranks See All »
Up +169 Down
My Mormon

I had a really Mormon roommate and she would get mad when I had friends over, especially guys. She would bang on the wall and would tell my friends they'd have to leave at 9PM. It got to the point where I would have my guy friends over and we'd jump on the bed making sex noises and when she banged on the wall we'd bang back.