NONEXISTANT BOOK TITLES

JOSH SORELL NONEXISTANT BOOK TITLES AND THEIR AUTHORS/ “GREAT” REAL BOOK TITLES AND THEIR AUTHORS

THE ARMADILLO’S PLIGHT
-RAYMOND THRUP

…AND ALL THE CLOUDED PUPILS OF CARAMEL’S FEROCIOUS HOUNDS IN THE AUTUM’S GLEAMING…
-DANIELE SHERMANE CHESTERFULFE

THE CHAMBERPOT MAIDEN’S BUTT CRACK
-HELEBETH WINSOR DOORSTOP

ON THE SOFTLY COLORED PLAINS OF CONCRETE (or FINDING THE SPIRIT OF LONDON THROUGH CONVERSATIONS WITH HOBOS AND OPIUM)
-GEORGE SHESHIRE BILSWORTH TOWELTHWAIT

THE BLIND MAN’S PHOTOGRAPHY; A VISUAL NARRATIVE IN SEVEN PARTS
-CARLYLE ESSTRAUSHEN POPKIN

THE DUEL OF THE DUAL CIRCULATORY SYSTEM
-MARGERITE BUDGEONS

THE SCREENSAVER’S APPRENTICE
-BOB JOHNSON

DOWN THE ICEPICK’S NAVEL (or WHAT AM I DOING IN WIMBLETHORPE?)
-DAVID MARGERITE BUDEGEONS

IF THE SPARROW CLIPS IT’S TOENAILS AND OTHER QUESTIONS OF DAILY LIFE
-GERARD PUNDELTON

WHILE YOU WERE MOWING THE LAWN: STORY OF A POOLBOY
-HERBERT TIMBLETOP

THE UNTHINKABLE CONSEQUENCES OF WENSLEYDALE
-ALBERT RICKETS

THE SECRET LIVES OF PATENT CLERKS
-J.P. MORGAN

PROPHECY OF THE DARK WIZARD’S IVORY RING; THE ETERNAL OUTHOUSE, SAGA IV; ON HIS MAJESTY’S FOOD SERVICE, PART XI; THE MISTY BEGININGS REGURGITATED; BOOK VII: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO
-JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHIT

ON THE SUPERIOR LIFE RAFTS OF FARMERS (AKA AN ANGEL TOOK THE MUCK RAKE)
-DANIEL D. DWIGHTSON DILMORE DAFFODIL

ON VENGEANCE’S FURIOUS WINGS; THE REVENGENING II: A TIME FOR HANDGUNS III
-JACOB BURNSWATER

THE BLOOD STAINED CRIMSON PLASMA’S SANGUINEOUS MARCH
(The Sequel to BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD)
-PERCY PISHPOT

NOTHING OUT OF SOMETHING’S BACKDRAFT
-IRIS BIGWALD




THE FOLLOWING ARE REAL TITLES:

THE POWER OF THINKING WITHOUT THINKING
-MALCOLM GLADWELL

FART PROUDLY
-CARL JAPIKSE

THE LONG SANDY HAIR OF NEFTOON ZAMORA
-MICHAEL NESMITH

OH WAITER! ONE ORDER OF CROW! INSIDE THE STRANGEST RPESIDENTIAL ELECTION FINISH IN AMERICAN HISTORY
-JEFF GREENFIELD

YOU ARE WORTHLESS; DEPRESSING NUGGETS OF WISDOM SURE TO RUIN YOUR DAY
-SCOTT DIKKERS

BOOK
-WOOPI GOLDBERG

MURDER ME FOR NICKELS
-PETER RABE (this guy has A LOT of bad titles)

 How to Avoid Huge Ships by John W. Trimmer

 Scouts in Bondage by Michael Bell

 Be Bold with Bananas by Crescent Books

 Fancy Coffinsto Make Yourself by Dale L. Power

 The Flat-Footed Flies of Europe by Peter J. Chandler

 101 Uses for an Old Farm Tractor by Michael Dregni

 Across Europe by Kangaroo by Joseph R. Barry

 101 Super Uses for Tampon Applicators by Lori Katz and Barbara Meyer

 Suture Self by Mary Daheim

 The Making of a Moron by Niall Brennan

 How to Make Love While Conscious by Guy Kettelhack

 Underwater Acoustics Handbook by Vernon Martin Albers

 Superfluous Hair and Its Removal by A. F. Niemoeller

 Lightweight Sandwich Construction by J. M. Davies

 The Devil’s Cloth: A History of Stripes by Michel Pastoureaut

 How to Be a Pope: What to Do and Where to Go Once You’re in the Vatican by Piers Marchant

 How to Read a Book by Mortimer J. Adler and Charles Van Doren

The Merlin Conspiracy-
Diana Wynne Jones

Anybody know any more?