Plight of the Evil Genius

Contractor: So let me get this straight, money is no object.

Evil Genius: Not in the slightest.

Contractor: I just don’t know if that is gonna be possible espacialy since you want this “house” built on top of that giant mountain.

Evil Genius: I recently came into some money.

Contractor: About the bookcase that you want?

Evil Genius: When you pull the Grapes of Wrath I want it to swing around into a winding staircase that leads down into a basement.

Contractor: I am not real comfortable with ruining an american classic.

Evil Genius: How about He’s Just Not That into You?

Contractor: I can do that.

Evil Genius: ok so this spiral winding staircase needs to look really unsafe and have torches and gargoils and other scarey stuff on it.

Contractor: I have a real good supplier for that kind of thing so I can get it to you for wholesale. Now, the basement size you specified is huge, what are you going to be using it for?

Evil Genius: Well I will be using it tohold some if my special guest and entertain them.

Contractor: So for like pool tables and stuff?

Evil Genius: Pool tables, stretchers, electrified chairs and other whathaveyou.
Contractor: Sounds good, and then this tower that goes up, it is not going to be too stable with that wide open area and steap gazeebo syle roof, and whats with all of the lighting rods?
Evil Genius: I am a scientist specializing in human reani……reaction to weather stimulus.
Contractor: and how many people will be living with you?
Evil Genius: Just me and my henchmen I mean butlers.
Contractor: whats with all one hundred extra bedrooms and twenty-five restrooms
Evil Genius:I have to keep up the illusion that I have a lot of friends. Oh I also need that front door to be about fifty feet tall and be able to withstand the force of a two ton battering ram going around twenty miles an hour.
Contractor: To withstand that you are going to need a block of wood about twelve by twelve to support it, that is going to be heavy
Evil Genius: don“t worry about that
Contractor:With the kind of structure you have here you may need extra security, might I suggest a home securuty sytem?
Evil Genius: I am actually leaning toward a moat with a draw bridge, you think I have enough room for that?
Contractor: You won’t have much of a yard if you do that
Evil Genius: will I have enough for a graveyard.
Contractor:How many people?
Evil Genius: Around fifteen
Contractor: It will be crowded but I think we can make it work.
Evil Genius: Anything else you need to know?
Contractor:Yeah I saw on the original plans one of the rooms was marked “Death Ray Rompus Room”
Evil Genius: Yes?
Contractor: You sure that is gonna be big enough for what your going to be using it for?
Evil Genius: Well I don’t want to cut into my ballroom anymore.
Contractor: Alright I think I can do this for you.
Evil Genius: Ok pleasure doing buisness with you.