How I Play With My Food

I save the gummy bear heads for last; forcing them to watch their own demise is easily half the fun of eating them.

I always separate Skittles into groups based on hue and let them wage battles against each other.  The red Skittles usually win these color wars, partially because I feel bad at how my forefathers treated the Native Americans, but mostly because there aren’t any black Skittles.

Sometimes, all of my Skittles must band together to defend their portion of the coffee table against an invading horde of Peanut Butter M&Ms.  I call this uneasy truce the “Rainbow Coalition.”

I take one potato out of every bag and cut it in half in front of all the other potatoes, just so they know who’s running the show.

When it comes to Animal Crackers, I always eat all the legs first.  You know, so they can’t run away.

The only thing I’ll put on a bratwurst is kosher relish.

When I buy Twizzlers Pull ‘n’ Peels, the entire package gets pulled, peeled, put in a large bowl, and hand-mixed with a jar of Mott’s applesauce.   Then, I pretend I’m a zombie and dive face first into my big pile of edible candy brains.

I always eat an Easter Bunny’s head first.  It has nothing to do with taste; I just want the screaming to stop.