ESPN's trying to fill 8 channels during the eventless all-star break

Tuesday, July 16

12:00 PM


ESPN- Sportscenter


Description- Through senile Woody Paige rants andgratuitous shots of Erin Andrews’ cleavage,, watch analysts try to make last night’s Home Run Derby seem more significant than what it was, batting practice. Then try not to cringe as the 4 of the top 10 plays are from women’s cricket.


ESPN2- The State Farm Home Run Derby Brought to you by State Farm Insurance, Proud Sponsors of the MLB and its State Farm Home Run Derby


Description- Repeat


ESPNNEWS- Miracle Blade IV Infomercial with 5 Sports Tickers Sorrounding It


Description: Sure your knives can cut food, like any pansy knife. But can it slice clean through a pineapple in mid-air? (PaidProgramming)


ESPNCLASSIC- 1952 Welterweight Bout


Description- The Good ol’ Boy Mongoose Moore goes to fisticuffs with Gary “The Untrustworthy Italian” Ferrero . Does Mongoose have the dukes, the heart, or the chin to win? Will short hair tear this country’s moral fabric apart? Will you remember your grandson’s name?Watch for the answer to these questions, along with some tips on identifying which of your loved ones are actually communist spies.


ESPNU- BEER PONG


Description- No description necessary bro, just some tight frat basement hardcore Beirut action!!! (Sponsored by Busch Lite)


ESPNDEPORTES- Goal!


Description-Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!!!!!!!! Goal Goal Goal Gooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaal!!!!! (Repeat)


ESPN360- Brett Favre Saga- Hour 3,580


Description- The fat Mike and the skinny Mike look through Favre’s 1st grade finger-paintings for clues as to where he will end up in September.



ESPNMOBILE- Grainy Video of Griffey Hitting His 600th Home Run


Description- …Ormaybe it’s Tiger Woods on a driving range…definitely some sort of club or mallet is involved…this video is so goddamn bad, it’s like trying to play Super Nintendo drunk…Why am I paying 45 bucks a month for this shit?