Me: Josh.
Nurse: And you pregnant?
Me: Huh.
Nurse: I know this is sensitive. Take your time.
Me: I’m not pregnant. In fact, I’m sure I’m not pregnant.
Nurse: Be honest.
Me: I’m a man! I physically cannot give birth.
Nurse: Look hon, you don’t have to tell me you’re pregnant. I can tell. You have that attitude.
Me: The what? The pregnant attitude? Is that an attitude?
The doctor comes in.
Doc: Excuse me. Nurse? You’re in the wrong room.
Me: …
Nurse: I know you’re pregnant.
The nurse leaves.
Doc: Sorry about that. We needed your nurse in the room over, where your friend Dave is giving birth.
Me: He’s just fat! Dave! DAVE!!
+
Flowchart: Do You Like Me?
Five NEXT-LEVEL Handshakes
Amazing Dad Magic
8 Things the Internet Ruined
15 Phrases You'll Hear During Finals Week, and What They Really Mean
The 25 Best Sitcom Couples
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
