A TBS Board Room
CEO: OK, people, we've got a great lineup of programming so far. We air reruns of movies and TV that everyone feels comfortable with. Real middle of the road comedy, nothing too explicit. Great job.
Guy 1: Yeah, like Friends and Seinfeld.
CEO: Exactly. 90's sitcoms. Everyone loves them because everyone remembers them. Watching them is like putting on a forgotten pair of sweatpants.
Guy 2: We've also got King of Queens and Everybody Loves Raymond.
CEO: That's it right there. That's our bread and butter, the family comedy. That's what people can relate to and feel comfortable with.
Guy 3: OK, so what's up, boss?
CEO: Well, I think we've reached that veritable point of success when it's time to make a foray into the great unknown: original programming.
Guy 1: Interesting, very interesting. Do you have anything in mind?
CEO: Well, we need to appeal to a large variety of demographics without upsetting anyone. What funny black guys do we know?
Guy 2: D.L. Hughley?
CEO: He's been done. Kind of played out.
Guy 3: Chris Rock
Guy 1: Tyler Perry?
Guy 1: You know Tyler Perry made a lot of movies pretty popular, among black people. Pretty tame style of comedy, though. Real family centered.
CEO: Perfect! OK, now what can we do to offset the black audience? Do we know of any family oriented Southern comics?
Guy 2: Jeff Foxworthy?
CEO: He's already had a show. Did you not watch TV 12 years ago, man?
Guy 2: Ron White?
CEO: Too drunk.
Guy 3: Larry the Cable Guy
CEO: Too incoherent. Plus, he's taken too. He's busy making terrible movies.
Guy 1: Bill Engvall?
Guy 1: You know Bill Engvall. The fourth in their little group. He does a lot of family comedy.
CEO: Perfect! Wow! Another great suggestion, Guy 1!
Guy 1: There's just one thing though
CEO: What? What could it possibly be?
Guy 1: Well ask anyone Bill Engvall is almost universally considered the least funny of the foursome.
CEO: No, no, no, Guy 1. Not least funny, least controversial. He'll be fantastic.
Guy 1: I guess
CEO: OK, I think we need one more show good things come in threes, ya know? Something wacky, though. Like, not a normal premise.
Guy 2: How about John Lithgow as an alien from another planet?
CEO: OK, now I know you're f*cking with me.
Guy 3: How about like like a comedy about working in an office?
CEO: Are you kidding? How can you work here and not watch TV? I mean, sh*t I'm pretty sure that airs on OUR station!
Guy 1: How about a show with a girl main character who only has guy friends.
CEO: You have a gift, my friend.
Guy 1: Oh, that's a great idea! Jim Gaffigan could be in it!
Guy 1: Jim Gaffigan. He's a comedian. He's hilarious. He does a bit about how Easter doesn't make sense, and another making fun of the Pope.
CEO: Hmmm sounds a little racy, but I trust you, Guy 1. He can be in the show, but he's only going to get a minor role.
Guy 1: That seems like a waste, but I guess it's better than nothing.
CEO: Don't worry. I've got the perfect new slogan. "Very Funny." So simple, so pure, so uncontroversial. Plus, people always believe what they hear. Now, let's get something purely for the ladies. How about that Sex and the City show on HBO. We'll bring it here, but take out all the sex and language to make it more accessible.
Guy 1: Sir, I quit.