What your Bag says about you.

What does your backpack say about you?

             

The L.L. Bean Initial Backpack.  Welcome to college freshman, you realize your mom won’t buy you everything now right?  No matter what initials you put on this bag, everyone will read “I lost my virginity to a controller port of my game-cube.“  On the plus size, the bag has plenty of room to hold your inhaler.

 

The Hiking Backpack.  With the structural integrity of a bomb shelter, this bag was made to wear up Mt. Everest, however you have decided to wear it on campus, the hiking equivalent of a golf course.  If your knit hat, beard, and unnecessary use of carabineers hasn’t made it abundantly clear that you are into the outdoors, this will.  If that thing is full of trail mix, you better be ready to share. 

 

The Messenger Bag.  Not technically a back pack, if you are wearing this bag you’re not technically a real man.  The bag probably contains your MacBook, Arcade Fire CD’s, and, “some scripts that I’ve been working on.  Seriously, my buddy is getting into the industry, and he promised he would show them to some guys pretty high up on the ladder.“  Buy the messenger bag in brown; it will show less when people pour drinks on your bag in the nearest coffee shop for being a pretentious dick.

 

The Military Bag.  ROTC much?  Unless your attending BaghdadU, this one is pretty much overkill. Regardless, when America’s enemies paratroop onto the campus a la Red Dawn, I’m looking to you.  Contents include American flag, shovel, and a shovel painted with the American flag.  Also a gun.    

   The Trash Bag.  Either you are lazy, a recycling fanatic, or possibly homeless.  Combined with the ramblings about government satellites and your stench, we’re guessing homeless.  The L.L. Bean Backpack is scared of you, The Hiking Backpack looks/smells a lot like you, The Messenger Bag wants to give you money, and The Military Bag wants you to get a job. 

  The Frodo Baggins.  The same as The Trash Bag if The Trash Bag whined all the time, ate all your food, and made you look impossibly gay.  You don’t remember leaving a candy bar in your bag, but its poking your head and you are way too worried to turn around.