Alfred Fielding's Great Invention

Alfred Fielding stands proudly in front of a crowd. On a table next to him rests his latest invention, hidden by a sheet. The crowd talks excitedly amongst themselves, each predicting what the invention will be. The year is 1957.

Larry: I bet it’s some sort of wireless phone. One that fits in your pocket.

Ralph: No way, that’s impossible. I think its a computer you can fold in half.

Mortimer: What! You guys are both crazy. I think it’s a half dog half dragon.

Ralph and Larry: Definitely.

Alfred: Friends! Thank you for coming to my big reveal. I have been working on this particular invention my entire life, and I predict that it will revolutionize the world.

Mortimer: It’s totally a half dog half dragon.

Alfred: Some of you may be wondering if my invention is a dog/dragon hybrid.

Mortimer: See?

Alfred: It’s not.

Mortimer: Maybe he’s playing coy.

Alfred: I’m not playing coy, there is no half dog half dragon on this stage.

Mortimer: Damn.

Alfred: Without further ado, are you ready? Are you ready to see my invention?

The crowd cheers wildly.

Alfred: I give you – (he whips the sheet off the table) – BUBBLE WRAP!

Mortimer: What?

Alfred: Now, you may be asking yourself, what?

Mortimer: Can this guy hear me?

Alfred: Bubble Wrap is a revolutionary packing tool that will keep your valuables from being broken or damaged in transport. Simply wrap the items in Bubble Wrap and, voila! No more broken valuables. In fact, your valuables will be even more valuable than when you started.

Mortimer: How is that possible?

Alfred: It just is. Now who would like to be the first to touch my invention?

Ralph jumps up and down, waving his hands in the air.

Alfred: Well look at this enthusiastic young gentleman. Here you go, sir.

Ralph: Oh wow, this is great!  And look at all these little POP

Alfred: Wait – w-what did you just do!? D-did you just POP my invention?!?

Ralph: I…I don’t know! I was just holding it like this and POP

Larry: Whoa, what’s so fun! Gimme! POP

Mortimer: I wanna try!

Alfred: No! No, that’s not what it’s for! It’s to protect your valuables so they don’t POP POP POP POP POP W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Mortimer: When you twist it, all the bubbles in the middle pop as once!

Alfred: Stop it! Stop it, you are destroying my invention! My life’s work!

Larry: Let’s go pop this guy’s Bubble Popper invention behind someone’s back and pretend they passed gas!

Ralph: Yeah!

The crowd leaves, carrying Alfred’s half popped Bubble Wrap over their heads.

Alfred: (sobbing) Wait! Wait, come back! My beloved Bubble Wrap! (defeatedly) And I haven’t even shown you my creative writing tool MadLibs yet.

CUT TO: The unveiling of MadLibs

Mortimer:  And then I pooped in my inbred sister’s poop and gross poop poopface.

Alfred: God DAMMIT.