A group of executives from 6 major motion picture studios announced on Monday that they are now casting young actors who will soon die. The executives claim the enormous success of The Dark Knight made them 100 percent sure that actors who die before their film is is released will be a gold mine at the box office.
Executive Richard Steinberg said, "Ok, Batman Begins came out 3 years ago and grossed $205.3 million total. Dark Knight made that in 5 days. Are you trying to tell me that 3 years later people randomly gave that much of a larger shit about Batman?"

Steinberg proceeded to show a list comparing each element of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. "All right, can anyone tell me any key differences they notice between the two movies?" After waiting for a moment for people to study the chart, Steinberg answered, "Begins has no dead young people!"

The executives explained they are looking for young actors who are near death for any reason. "Do you think about killing yourself? Do you drink and drive? Are you careless with your prescriptions? Do you enjoy running in the middle of the street dressed in all black at nighttime? If you said yes to any of those, we want you!"
The executives claimed there is one catch. "We demand that any actor we hire must sign a 'I will temporarily try really hard to live until we are done filming' contract."

Actors who come to the open casting call must also present evidence that they are likely to die soon. "Show us pill bottles, motorcyle bruises, your heroin syringe. Anything that says, 'I have an unstable life that can make you millions of dollars."