James Blunt at a party.

So the other day, while I was sitting in traffiic James Blunt popped on the radio. As his song played, and I tried not to puke in my mouth, I started to imagine what it would be like if he showed up at a party. This is how I imagined it playing out…..

FADE IN:

Hollywood Party

Party guy#1: Dude this party is awesome!

Andy: Thanks man, I’m glad you’re having a good time.

Party guy#1: Yeah man, I can’t believe how many celebrities are here.

Andy: Well you know when you do an episode of Friends; the world is your oyster. The celebrity world just opens right up for you.

Party guy#1: Wow man, your life is really awesome.

Andy: It is, it really is.

Party guy#1: Holy shit, is that Lindsay Lohan? She looks great.

Andy: Oh yeah, L.L.? Yeah I finally convinced to her to eat a sandwich. Yeah, she looks pretty good.

Party guy#1: Is that… Is she… Oh my god, is she talking to Britney Spears?

Andy: Oh yeah, yeah I guess she is.

Party guy#1: Wow she looks like she’s lost a ton of weight.

Andy: Well you know, when you dump a free loader your bound to lose a few.

Britney saunters over to the guys.

Party guy#1: Oh my goodness dude, she’s coming over to talk to us.

Andy: Relax man, Brit’s a sweetheart.

Britney Spears: Hey ya’ll, Great party Andy.

Andy: Ahh thanks sweetheart.

Britney Spears: But um…?

Andy::šYeah?

Britney Spears: Where’s the Cheetos?

Andy: Brit? Britney? We talked about that remember?

Britney Spears: Yeah, yeah.šYou’re an awesome friend Andy.

Andy: I know, I know I am… Now get back out there and shake that thing. Show me what you’re work’n with!

Britney Spears: You’re too cute, Andy.

Andy: Shut up, you’re too cute!

Britney giggles out onto the dance floor.

Party guy#1: That was amazing dude!

Andy: What can I say, I try.

James Blunt enters the party.

Party guy#1: This is the bes…

Andy: Ahh shit…Christ!

Party guy#1: What, What’s wrong?

Andy: James Blunt is here, who brought that douche bag? I swear to Christ when I find the person wh…. Oh shit, don’t look at him, don’t make eye contact…

Party guy#1: What? Why?

Andy: Trust me, just don’t .. Ah fuck, here he comes. You looked at him didn’t you?

James Blunt approaches the guys.

Andy: I told you not .. Hey James, buddy, I didn’t know you were coming tonight. How you doing man?

James Blunt: Fine, I guess.

Andy: That’s great, who a, who’d you come with?

James Blunt: Nobody…

Andy: Wow flying solo huh? That’s great, so who, who told you about the party?

James Blunt: Uh, I don’t remember…

Andy:: Dang, I really wanted to talk that person. So what’s new and exciting?

James Blunt: Janet dumped me..

Andy: No kidding?

James Blunt: Yeah, I mean no, no I’m not kidding.

Andy:: Damn, that sucks man.

James Blunt: Yeah… Did I disappoint her or let her down?

Andy:: I uh, I couldn’t say.

James Blunt: Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

Andy: I’m sorry?

James Blunt: ‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun, Yes I saw she was blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what’s mine by eternal right. Took her soul out into the night. It may be over but it won’t stop there, I am here for her if she’d only care. She touched my heart she touched my soul. She changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by her. I’ve kissed her lips and held her head. Shared her dreams and shared her bed. I know her well, I know her smell. I’ve been addicted to her.

Party guy#1: (whispering to Andy) He talks funny.

Andy: (Whispering back to Party guy#1) I know just keep nodding.

James Blunt: I want to call her; I think I should call her…

Andy: I don’t think that that’s such a good i…

James dials a number into his cell phone.

Andy: Okay, you’re driving the bus….

James Blunt: (into the phone) Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. (wait for it…) Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.

James hangs up the phone.

Andy: Soooooo, That wasn’t awkward.

James Blunt:I am a dreamer but when I wake, she can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams she takes.

Andy: Okay, whatever you say buddy. We’re going to go over here now and drown our selves in the aquarium.

James Blunt: Okay….

Party guy#1: Jesus dude, you were right that guy’s a nut job!

Andy: That? That was nothing; you should have seen him at Charlton Heston’s party. Guns everywhere, we had to call a negotiator to talk him down.

Cut to:

Another part of the party

Party girl#1: Wow, this is such a great party.

Party girl #2: I know… Oh shit James Blunt is here.

Party girl#1:Don’t make eye contact….

Party girl #2: Oops, too late.

James Blunt: (inappropriately loud) You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don’t know what to do, Yeah, she caught my eye, As we walked on by. She could see from my face that I was, Fucking high…

Party girl #2: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FUCKING FREAK!

James Blunt: And I don’t think that I’ll see her again, But we shared a moment that will last till the end. You’re bea…

Security tackles James and escorts him out of the party