Issue #71

It's like The Great Gatsby of writing.

Places I Want To Go Before I Die

The Hospital.

-Tyler Brummet

They say dog is man's best friend. Which makes the fact that my girlfriend slept with my dog even more unacceptable.

-Dan Cho

Real Questions that Sound Like Jokes — But Aren't

-You know how if you discriminate by race you are a racist? Does that mean if you discriminate by age you are an ageist?
-Why is it when you are driving a ship you are called a captain, but when you are driving a plane you are called a pilot?
-You know the phrase "When all is said and done?" Do we really need the "and done" part?

-Amir Blumenfeld

Scars

They say that chicks dig scars, but try telling that to the last six women I've stabbed.

-Rene Benavidez

When I was 13 my brother asked me how much money it'd cost for me to drink the water from a Port-A-Potty. I told him I'd never pay someone more than 80 dollars.

-Patrick Cassels

A McDonalds $50 gift card is no gift, it's a dare.

-Jeff Rubin

High gas prices are hurting America. If fuel costs continue to rise our rappers will have no choice but to sing about their fleet of Priuses.

-Streeter Seidell

There's a lot about Life that I don't get. Like why do you get the same amount of money for curing the common cold AND becoming president? Also, since when are there five hundred thousand dollar bills?

-Jake Hurwitz

Pickup Lines Of History's Greatest Men

-"Space-time isn't the only thing that's curved"-A. Einstein
-"Fetch me some calomel, Ms.Hemings, I think I may have come down with jungle fever."-T. Jefferson
-"How would you like to be Beethoven's fifth?"-Beethoven
-"You know, there are certain things I could eat during a hunger strike."-M.Ghandi

-Conor McKeon

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