Ode To Popcorn

Oh, Popcorn, you have been helping poor college students forever, and for that I commend you. From the time you are planted in the soft fertile soil of Bolivia to the times where butter is added to you within the mines of Peru, to that epic moment when you enter my face orifice, I love you every moment of the way.

If it were not for you popcorn I would have to resort to eating the brutish food from my dining hall, which is something I would not wish on my most hated enemy…except for Steve, f*ck Steve, I would totally make him eat poop. Yeah, that’s right, poop…Moving on.

Microwaves now even have a specific button for you Popcorn.That is how much this world has come accustomed to your wonderful taste. Now, granted, every time I choose the popcorn button it burns the crap out of you, but nonetheless it is there and that is all that matters.

Pringles have no idea what they are doing with that whole pop reference, you Popcorn, you are the original popper and I believe you should declare war on Pringles, or maybe potatoes in general, we don’t need potatoes, seriously, ask the Irish…Too soon?

But listen, I just watched that Morgan Spurcock guy, ya know, the one who eats Burger Donalds or whatever for a year and then dies at the end, so I think I have thought of an idea for you and I popcorn. I am going to eat nothing but you for five minutes and see if I survive. I know, I am standing on the edge of reason, but you don’t have to worry about me Popcorn, I know what I’m doing. Do you not remember that I have been on the underground European popcorn eating circuit for ten years?

I am getting off track here, the bottom line is that I love you Popcorn, as every college student should. If they say they don’t like popcorn I might stab with a sharpened tooth brush in the ear. Who knows, It could happen.