Fun Facts About The Bible

-The original copy of the Bible had horoscopes in it. Turns out God is a Pisces because the reading simply stated, “You are God.”

-On the seventh day God created, then rented Batman Begins because he forgot what had happened to the Scarecrow in it. He then created Domino’s, phones, a delivery boy, hot wings, and ordered Pizza Hut.

-Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians was a cheque for the gas company.

-Sampson fired his Strength and Conditioning coach and hired his barber to take over his workout regimen. The barber was then fired after the disastrous “Moby” look he advised Sampson to sport; calling it “hip”.

-Jesus did not turn water into wine, he just slipped a pack of Crystal Light into his glass of water. What’s even more of a miracle is that it was so flavourful, yet had half the calories of your average miracle wine.

-The tower of Babylon was only three stories, but was a post-modern structure built in a classic neighbourhood. Thusly, it was declared an affront to God and destroyed by the cultured citizens.
 
-The book of Job was not entirely true. It was written by Job’s son after he was sent to bed with no dessert for not taking out the trash; but before he was turned into salt.

-Noah’s ark was actually a Sea Doo that he drove around with two of every hot bimbo. He was also a known to enjoy the taste of humpback whale topped with pidgeon blood dressing.

-God wrote The Da Vinci Code and gave it to Joseph in exchange for having to raise His son. When asked why He would write a book slamming his own family, God exploded a goat. When asked why he did that, he blew up Rick Bjornson’s house next door. People quickly stopped asking questions. God then blew up one more goat just for good measure. 

-Jesus penned, “Jesus Christ Superstar” while in the desert. It was originally a one man show with juggling and spectacular dance numbers that incorporated observational comedy about other Jewish people. The original manuscript is believed to be the first piece of literature to include the phrase, “Jazz hands”.

 -Moses didn’t want to leave Egypt until frog rain killed his dog.