A day with Matthew McConoughey

(Kevin arrives homefrom work to see his roommate, Matthew McConoughey sitting on the floor,staring at the ceiling.)

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Kevin: Hey, what’sgoing on Matt, I see you had a busy day.

Matthew McConoughey:Busy day indeed brah, busy indeed…and another thing buddy, call me Matt, Mr.McConoughey is my dad’s name man…Haha, alright….haha.

Kevin: Stares at Matthew McConoughey, perplexed Ok…Matt,did you find some time in the day to go get some milk?

MM: Sure enough ambrosia.The ceiling is, I don’t know man it’s trippy…uh..haha…alright.

Kevin: Stares at MM, still perplexed…opens fridge,no milk in sight.  Where’s the milk?

MM: Oh right man,you right…check out this. opens bedroomdoor

Kevin: looks in to find a goat, staring right backIt’s a goat.

MM: Right onright on. Isn’t that little guy phenomenal?

Kevin: It’s agoat.

MM: It’sbeautiful Abe-BRO-ham Lincoln…hah..uhh.It’s like, there man, it there.

Kevin: Yeah man,it’s there…What the hell are you thinking, about the goat and whatnot.

MM: I don’t thinkman, I react…to the situation that life throws at us man. I embrace it and thewinds of life take me bro. Just, react man.

Kevin: What?

MM: …haha, you’realright man. You really are. This is a good…moment man. Absolutely a goodmoment…just awesome. Hey, let’s drink some beer with our new roommate. Right, Wayne,lets drink some beer and just be.

Kevin: Stares at Matthew McConoughey, perplexed Whyare you alive?

MM: hands Kevin and Wayne a beer, cracks openhis I’m not alive that’s the crazy art man, I’m just living bro…justliving.

Kevin: This is ajoke, right?

Wayne: Bah. eats can of beer

MM: No way! Wayne is officially inthe “League of Righteous Dudes.” That was inspiringly beautiful on all levelsof the human and animal world. Beautiful. Haha…alright.

Kevin: Stares at MM It was pretty cool.

MM: Alright man.You getting’ it brother. Uhhhh…question amigo. You know what’s cool?

Kevin: sighs What?

MM: A thermosmug.

Kevin: Stares at Matthew McConoughey, utterlyshocked

MM: When you putcold stuff in it, it keeps it cold. When you put hot stuff in it, the sameexact thermos, it keeps it hot. HOW DOES IT KNOW!!…WHOA!!! Blow the mind awayman, crazy. Wayne,whatcha think about that.

Wayne: Stares at Matthew McConoughey, perplexe,continues eating carpet

MM: I got you Wayne. That cat is deep.Hey bro, let’s go to the river and swim bro.

Kevin: You meanthe Mississippi River?

MM: Right on, themighty Mississippi…themighty MISS-AH-SSSIIIII-PAH. You want some of that cleaning river mud.

Kevin: Do I wantthat?  Just about as much as I want to befucked in the ass.

MM: Alright man,next time…next time. Come on Wayne,lets got get you baptized.

Wayne: bah.

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Wayne and MM ride off into the sunset