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Mr. Sparkly

Discovery of the Century

by Mr. Sparkly on

Last week, a family was driving home from a camping trip in Seattle when an animal ran out in front of their car. The father slammed on the brakes but was unable to avoid striking it. Not wanting to the leave the poor creature on the side of the road, they strapped it to the roof of their car and were going to report the accident to the proper authorities. A few minutes later the creature awoke and peaked through the windshield. This startled the poor father, who again slammed on the brakes and sent the creature flying through the air a second time.

It turns out that the creature was none other than the legendary Bigfoot. Logically, the family brings the Bigfoot home and wackiness ensues. Here is a photo of the creature who the family named “Harry”:


Okay, so you probably picked up on the plot to the 1987 film Harry and the Hendersons, and I didn’t need to ramble. It was merely to setup the news that two Bigfoot hunters from Georgia claim to have discovered the corpse of one of these elusive creatures. Here is an article that sums up the press release. What I enjoy is that they have stuffed the body in a freezer. To me it looks like a Halloween costume in a cooler with some pig entrails thrown on it, but judge for yourself. I am waiting for today’s news conference where the pair will present DNA evidence.

Until then, satisfy your sasquatch craving with this awesome work of art (only $98.95 from the SkyMall catalog) and this photo of the former Seattle Supersonics’ mascot Squatch jamming a basketball.



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Whiny inmate

I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning... Read More » when I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.