Oh My!

Dear Professor, My sex-life has been a little bit slow lately. My boyfriend is always tired from working in the medicine field, so I have found some more “comfortable” items of clothing to slip into. :-) I really want to put on a show for him. Will the teddy do the trick? ~ Hella-Good-Housewife

Dear HGH,
Firstly, bears are dangerous and should be avoided… Unless we are discussing polar bears. They are very cute, and much like the pleasures of Coca-Cola. But dear, I’m perplexed; a slow sex-life is desired by most human females, as prolonged envagination is beneficial for tentacular romulation. Most likely, the long hours your husband spends in the fields of medicine has led him to inferiorate your sex-life. Perhaps the more comfortable clothing would be beneficial for him rather than you. The typical field denim is terrible for the epidermis, so I proffer a silk of some sort. I’m quite sure he will enjoy the “show” you put on for him. Could I suggest a program of sport? Athletic events typically excite men through the excretion of adrenaline reprise glands. If you would like to pique his sexual curiosity further, I suggest you follow my 3 P’s of Male Sexual Health.

1. Phallafel – Not only are the delicious fried balls from Central Arabia fantastic for filling in your pita pocket, it is also a noted afrodisiac (ah-ßHRO-d??-???). And it is useful to attract men also!
2. Papa ghanoush – Every man wants to be a daddy, so make him one. And fry some eggplants as a side. They go very well with Phallafel!
3. Parseley – Sometimes you have to regulate (or parse) your loving into small quantums of sexuality. Any more or less and it cannot be truly appreciated by the hormonal masculine mind.
Hope that helps.

Love, Professor Genius