Some people think that slacking off at work means concocting elaborate alibis about mysterious recurring dental ailments just to cautiously sneak out a few precious minutes early. These people are wrong. Slacking off can be as easy as falling off a log…while you’re sleeping…and a powerful tornado is blowing you off the log. Choose any of these effortless tricks and you too can become a World Champion Slacker!
Build a periscope for your cubicle. By placing mirrors at precisely the right angle within a bent tube made of connected toilet paper rolls, you’ll be able to be slack off from 9 to 5 without fearing an unexpected visit from the boss man. Nothing will help you relax at work like constantly monitoring your surroundings!
The Ol’ Type ‘n Switch
In your spare time, record yourself typing a 50-page paper (preferably a defense of the physico-theological proof of the existence of God in Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason, though the work of any 18th-century German philosopher will do!). Then play the recording when you’re at work. The sound of your diligent, thoughtful key-tapping will mask the violent stabbing of the space bar as you gleefully shoot at alien spaceships.
Brace in the Hole
Break your neck. With your new neck brace, you can take afternoon-long naps in your desk chair but your head will stay up straight! No one will be the wiser. Plus, you might strike gold with worker’s comp! Bonus score! Finally, everyone will feel so sympathetic that you’ll get away with doing pretty much whatever you want.b>
For the Advanced Slacker Only
Invent something that everyone in the world will want to use. Patent it, get rich, and don’t ever come in to work again.
Assuming it does not require moving your limbs.
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