While discussing the Olympics at work one day, Susanna expressed her belief that the Olympics and all the athletes involved – our world’s most finely-tuned sportsmen – were just a waste of time. Naturally,we decided she should be our official Olympic correspondent. Let’s see how she’ll belittle the efforts of so many incredible athletes today!
Sometimes all the hubbub about swimming, track, and gymnastics can overshadow the other fine events that the Olympics have to offer. And that makes perfect sense. Because some of the other events are ridiculous.
I’m not even just talking about table tennis and “racewalking.” I’m talking about the events from the ancient check-out-this-weird-thing-I-can-do tradition.
Shot putting? Hight jumping? Long jumping? Pole vaulting? Javelin throwing? Hammer throwing? Discus throwing? Any kind of competitive throwing? I don’t doubt that these things are hard to do. I just don’t know why anyone thinks to do them.
“Hey, Ivan, see that really heavy metal ball? Throw it. No, silly, don’t just chuck it with all your might. Hold it up by your neck, then spin a bit, and then fling it. It’ll be awesome!”
I have the sneaking suspicion that the brawny men (and women) of eastern Europe have had something to do with keeping these events in the Olympics year after year. If that’s the case, I think it’s only fair that every nation be able to suggest adding one of their citizens’ arbitrary skills to the Olympic line-up. China already snuck in table tennis. The US could suggest eating. Greenland would excel in the field of competitive melting. And India could finally improve its medal count by adding out-sourced computer assistance to the games.
Victory for all! (But still not really for Greenland.)
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