Ok folks, now that summer is coming to a close, it is time for me to look back on a potential checklist for a college student home for the summer, and what actually happened on the path to achieving these goals.
1. Eat Healthier Food/Average 3 Hot Pockets per hour
2. Read Some Novels/Read a Sharper Image catalog on the toilet
3. Sleep With The Hot Girl From High School/Jerked it so much that my sheets look like they have been snowed on
4. Master The Guitar/Can now play the chorus section to Bon Jovi’s Livin’ On a Prayer
5. Learn Something New/Figured out that jacking off with two hands feels a bit like an orgy
6. Run 5 Miles a Day/Can’t drive 3 miles without breaking a sweat
7. Watch Less TV/Watched every episode of Full House
8. Watch Fewer Movies/Watched The Postman and Weekend at Bernies biweekly
9. Get a Good Internship/Scrubbed shit and piss off of toilets for gas money
10. Spend Time Outdoors/Saw the sun once, threw up everywhere
11. Don’t Drink and Drive/Shotgunned beers on the hood of my car while ghost riding it
12. Work On My Novel/Did a really hard maze in Ranger Rick Magazine
13. Get a Tan/Caught some rays next to the microwave while working on my H Pockets
14. Go To Tons of Concerts/Thought about seeing Hootie and the Blowfish, realized I was about to see Hootie and the Blowfish, got drunk instead
15. Drink Less/Drank Tons
16. Drink Good Beer/Drank Schlitz
17. Get Motivated By Michael Phelps/Drunk drove like Michael Phelps
18. Get Ready For Next Semester/Thought about transferring to ITT Tech
19, Do Something Unheard Of/Whacked it to Shark Week
20. Seriously, Do Nothing/Check
So I didn’t really accomplish much. Oh well, there’s always next summer.
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Fixed it!
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Oh good, my package came. I've got a big night ahead of me.
