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College Math

by CH Staff on

While college life is great and way better than high school, there will still be some problems you can’t avoid. Sorry. But we’ve got a few tried-and-true mathematical solutions to help you out.

When can I dump my orientation friends?
Most college kids handle making friends during orientation like they would a turn on Supermarket Sweep, grabbing as many as possible in a short amount of time. Thanks to this smash-and-grab mentality, you may find yourself with a crew of friends you don’t really like. Don’t worry, orientation friends can be swiftly tossed aside once you meet real friends in the weeks to come. Consult the following equation to figure out how long it will be until you can ignore The Greg-inator and pretend that conversation about shotgun v. handgun never happened:



How many pizzas should we order?
The food in the dining hall is gross. It just is. But with these four words you can rise above the foolish masses and become a beacon of hope for all within earshot: “Let’s just order pizza.” Now you’ve got to figure out how many pizzas to order. Here’s how:
1. Tell everyone to hold up fingers for how many slices they want.
2. Add up all the fingers, and figure at least two more for some guy who is going to show up and want in. Now round up to the nearest multiple of eight (those are numbers like sixteen, twenty-four, thirty-two for you comm majors). That’s how many slices you need.
3. DON’T GET AHEAD OF US.
4. Divide by eight. This is your “base” number of pies.
5. Add one “safety pie” for good measure.


Should I put myself into a situation in which I need to do real math in college?
No.

From our book, the CollegeHumor Guide to College

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Two years ago I get assigned a roommate from Bangladesh. Its his first time ever out of his country. His first words to me were Hello how tastes it. Interesting start right. Two days later i walk in to see cheese slices all over the walls. The cheese slices have writing on them. I confront him about it and he tells me he thought they were post it notes. Apparently they do... Read More » not have dairy in back home because he had never seen cheese before. Days after that he blows up the microwave by putting a pot of eggs in it. It is at this point that I give up on the guy. After a few weeks I notice his part of the dorm smells like ass so I confront him about it. He then goes on to explain that he has been waiting for the servants to come by for his laundry. Of all the people why did I get this guy? In the three months I lived with him he washed once and never quite understood that we did not have servants and that Americans utilize cows.