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Kevin Corrigan

The Death Star Schematics Poster

by Kevin Corrigan on

You never know, someday you might want to build a death star. Maybe you’ll make it in space near Alderaan, or maybe you’ll make it in your lounge out of furniture. The bottom line is that you’re going to need blueprints.

The problem with blueprints is that they’re delicate and need to be kept in tubes. Waving around a cardboard tube isn’t going to intimidate any rebels. You need to put it on your wall. That’s why we’ve made this delightful, rebel-scaring death star schematic poster.

Bonus: We’ve included some helpful words at the bottom so you can avoid the same pitfalls as the Empire.


You can find this and even more college “paraphanalia,” if you know what I mean, in the brand new Collegehumor Store. By the way, if you didn’t know what I meant when I said “paraphanalia,” I meant posters, T-shirts and an 8-way beer bong.

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Kevin Corrigan

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Whiny inmate

I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning... Read More » when I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.