Stereotypical Teen Movie from The Cool Kid

INT SCHOOL HALLWAY.  Kyle is at his locker, wearing a varsity lacrosse jacket. His girlfriend, Becky, the hottest girl in school, stands next to him, standoffishly.

Kyle: So, about prom. Do you want to go in the limo with the guys, or do you want me to borrow my mom’s Benz?

Becky: Listen, Kyle. We have to talk. I’m gonna go with Connor.

Kyle: Connor? That scrawny guy in your Woodworking class?

Becky: Yup, he’s the one. He appreciates my sense of humor and remember that time you said you were going to come see my play and you didn’t?

Kyle: I know, I had to pick up my grandmother from-

Becky: Well, he came. And brought me a bouquet of flowers carved out of wood.

Kyle: I thought you hated lame stuff like that.

Becky: I do. But I appreciated the effort.

Kyle: I mean, I can make you some flowers if you want.

Becky: It’s too late. I love Connor now, and we’re going to stay together when we go off to separate colleges.

Kyle: You LOVE him!? But you just-

Connor: Hey Becky.

Becky: Hey Connor!

Becky kisses Connor in front of Kyle. Kyle turns to leave before they can see him cry. Avril Lavigne’s ‘Complicated’ begins to play.

Principal Wilkinson: Not so fast, Mr. Wiseass. I saw that drawing of me that you xeroxed and threw down the middle of our school’s inexplicably spiral staircase.

Kyle: What? That wasn’t-

Connor smiles in the background, high-fiving a heavyset funny guy and a skinny nerd.

Kyle: Principal Wilkinson, did you just see that? Connor is the one behind this!

Principal Wilkinson: (laughing) Connor? Yeah right! Connor is a straight A student, he would never stoop so low.

Kyle (to Connor): Why are you doing this to me?

Connor (aside): Remember in fourth grade when you gave me a wedgie in front of the whole school?

Kyle: That’s it!?  I’ve apologized for that like a million times.

Connor: (whispering) My desire to destroy you is insatiable.

Principal Wilkinson: You’re suspended. Which means, no more lacrosse for you, buddy.

Kyle: But this is my last season!

Principal Wilkinson: Well maybe you should have thought about that before you labeled my man-gina.

Kyle’s Mom: You’re in big trouble, mister.

Kyle: Mom? What are you doing at my school?

Kyle’s Mom: Someone anonymously mailed me your transcript. A ‘C’ in Biology? You know you’re supposed to be a doctor, just like your father and your father’s father’s father’s step-father.

The Dean of Kyle’s future college: Kyle, I heard about your suspension. I have no choice but to revoke your lacrosse scholarship.

Eugene Levy: Also, I accidently sent a video of you masturbating to Rent to the entire school.

Kyle: Eugene Levy? How did you get a video of me masturbating?

Eugene Levy: Who knows!

Kyle’s Mom: You’re grounded. Which means your graduation party is officially cancelled.

Kyle: What?! Everybody’s been talking about my party for weeks!

Connor: Hey, why don’t we move the party to my house instead?

Everybody: Connor rules!

Principal Wilkinson: On behalf of the school, I, Principal Wilkinson, do name you, Connor Matthews, Prom King.

The Dean of Kyle’s future college: Son, a spot just opened up in my freshman roster if you’re interested.

Connor: I’d be Connored.

Everybody laughs too loud at Connor’s pun, hoisting him onto their shoulders and leaving Kyle behind. Celine Dion’s ‘All By Myself’ begins to swell. Lance, Kyle’s best friend, runs up.

Kyle: Oh, hey Lance. I’m glad you’re here, I could really use a friend right-

Lance: Not now dude, on my way to Connor’s. Oh, your Mustang’s on fire.

ROLL CREDITS