American Revolution Text Messaging

A team of researchers recently discovered that Ben Franklin was a much more prolific inventor than we all thought – As well as being a wizard who created kites, he also invented Text Messaging – His phone was found hidden in his coffin…it fell out of his coffin, pressure from the ground or something did it, it’s not like I dug it up or anything…yeah…Anyway, the stories the inbox of this phone tells will blow your mind. Seriously, it’s like Liberace just left my house, i’m so blown right now.

Here are a few examples:


GW: I B crossin teh Deleware Bro! These Briitish Bitches be sleepin, and I be creepin! Holla back

Paul Revere: The Brits R Commin yo! They got muskets and shit. Also, I got 2 tell U bout this fiiiiiine a$$ biddie I’m all up in. Latez!


BritSeaCaptn: Where my tea at?


TomJefferson: Dood, I got like 4 slaves preggerz…I got coffee babiez! I Declare that I am Fucked.


John Hancock: Have you seen my pen?


BunkerHill: Dnt Shoot til U C the Whites of derr I’s!


Deleware: First!
Connecticut: Douche
Massachusettes: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay


KingGeorge: Why so serious? LOL JK! But srsly, stop it.


Benedict Arnold: Hey, you there? Listen, I just wanna say…This whole treason thing was probably my fault…lunch later?