Noble guests, students ye,

patrons of universities,

I pray you cease your revelry

and hear my party soliloquy.

Here I sit, cup in hand

betwixt two dudes

who cannot stand.

The extent of their inebriation

surely merits incarceration.

Pong is played

cups are sunk,

rap is blaring,

bros are drunk,

Yet something here is wrong you see

a total sausage fest are we

Our party lacks the other sex,

the reason why has left us vexed.

But lo! A gift like heaven's manna!

In walk fair maidens of Delta Gamma!

No longer are we CEO's

bereft of classy office ho's

One such vixen has caught my eye,

a rare specimen here I spy.

Her Sperry shoes

striped Nike shorts,

she's the maid I wish to court!

Another suitor here I view,

A stronger, tan, popped collar dude.

How dare he go and cockblock me

and spread his vile douchebaggery!

But violence is not what I seek

for his is big and I am weak.

To the corner I retire

and to the fat girl I do speak.

Disgusted by my current choice,

I climb a table and raise my voice.

A TOAST I MAKE TO ALL MY BRO'S!

WHOM I WILL CHOOSE BEFORE ALL HO'S!

THIS ROOM IS SPINNING WAY TO FAST,

I FEAR THIS DRINK WILL BE MY LAST.

To the floor I fall,

the room grows dark

upon my face friends leave their mark.

Sharpie covered, Solo Cup clad,

I dream about the night I've had.

Give my regards to Chad prithee,

I'm sure he will be puking with me

I thank thee people for all your listening,

but now my pants, I am indeed pissing.