- V.P. Candidate Sarah Palin validates herself by showing picture of her erecting a Christmas tree in downtown Wasilla.
- John McCain wakes from nap ten minutes early, before delegates can complete drawing magic marker mustache.
- Entire arena goes silent when a black man walks into the room, immediately realizes he is at the wrong address, and awkwardly backs out.
- Small talk in line for the free blood pressure checking station.
- After leaving the podium, Sarah Palin curses under her breath for forgetting to mention that Barack Obama is a, “know-nothing doo-doo-head.”
- Rudy Giuliani gets “9/11” tattoo on ass to cover up previous “9/11” tattoo on ass which he decided was, “much too small.”
- “No, this is not the Hanoi Hilton! Who are you? Stop calling!”
- Bristol Palin ISOFFLIMITSBRAAGHHADFASOGHDSGHSAOFH320
- John McCain falls asleep again, mustache drawing resumes.
- Abortion doctor burned in effigy.
- Vice Presidency explained to Sarah Palin as, “not quite as good as President, but pretty close.”
- LSD, DUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
- “Why the fuck is Joe Lieberman still here?”
- John McCain attempts to wash mustache off of face before discovering his arms are too short to reach his upper lip.
- Some boring political shit.
Highlights From The Republican National Convention
Like this Article
URL
Close
+
Every Time a Bell Rings
The Absolute Worst Case Scenario Handbook: Holiday Shopping Edition
News Feed History of the World: January 2012
8 Things the Internet Ruined
What People Will Say They're Thankful for This Thanksgiving, And What They Actually Mean
What Your Ski Tracks Say About You
Yoga pants so tight, they've become a part of her.
Wow, I guess having 5 blades does make a difference.
"Things Stoners Haven't Turned into Bongs" -- The Shortest Book in the World
Journalists finally revealing some hard-to-face truths
Kate Upton blocks shot of a beautiful sunset
Roommate Contract: (1) I will make your life a living hell.
Ways to meet women if you're tired of being normal.
Fixed it!
The kind of sports you can expect to see on ESPN17
Oh good, my package came. I've got a big night ahead of me.
