Conor McKeon

An Oderall

‘Tis 9 AM
Eastern Time
A somber Tuesday morn’

A paper due
5 pages long
“How Democracy Was Born”

Mind is blank
An empty space
Devoid of inspiration

Eyelids heavy
Pillow soft
I lack all motivation

Oh pills of orange
In the bottom drawer
Underneath my magazines

I’m wide awake!
A miracle?
No, dextroamphetamines!

My focus now
Is quite intense
complete lack of saliva

Things unrelated
They now make sense
A modern day mental MacGyver

The paper, well
It writes itself
45 minutes tops

Prescription? no
Why do you ask?
Dude, you didn’t say your dad’s a cop.

“Who is representing you
Against the State?”
If you must know, Your Honor, I am

Am I pre-law? No
Then how did I win?
Simple, 35 Milligrams!


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Have you thought about your soul

I just joined a natural products company as a sales representative and am really excited about it. The other day I was on a plane next to a really nice old couple. After a few minutes of small talk, they mentioned that they both had bad arthritis. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to tell them about our products. I gave a 10 minute talk about how our products... Read More » could improve their daily life. They listened intently and then ended by saying they would not need it because God would tell them when to die. Turns out they were Jehovah's Witnesses, who spent the rest of the plane ride concerned about my immortal soul.