‘Tis 9 AM
Eastern Time
A somber Tuesday morn’
A paper due
5 pages long
“How Democracy Was Born”
Mind is blank
An empty space
Devoid of inspiration
Eyelids heavy
Pillow soft
I lack all motivation
Oh pills of orange
In the bottom drawer
Underneath my magazines
I’m wide awake!
A miracle?
No, dextroamphetamines!
My focus now
Is quite intense
complete lack of saliva
Things unrelated
They now make sense
A modern day mental MacGyver
The paper, well
It writes itself
45 minutes tops
Prescription? no
Why do you ask?
Dude, you didn’t say your dad’s a cop.
“Who is representing you
Against the State?”
If you must know, Your Honor, I am
Am I pre-law? No
Then how did I win?
Simple, 35 Milligrams!



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Just a few more quarters... I know I can get this baby.