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Jake Hurwitz

The Weekly WYR: September 25th

by Jake Hurwitz on

It’s my favorite time of the week, it’s time for the Weekly WYR. See if you’re brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe’s most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you’ve got a great WYR, submit it at the bottom of this or any WYR article.

Would You Rather…

  • Be married to a pig, or love a pig but not have it love you? back From Mike
  • Live your whole life needing to desperately pee and being unable to do so, or live your whole life peeing immediately wherever and whenever the urge comes? From James
  • Have hot cougar sex with Cindy McCain in the White House, or hook up with Sarah Palin on a regular basis at the Vice Presidential Mansion? From John
  • Be a global hero by saving earth from aliens but only receive a plaque from the President, or be an evil villain and take over all the world’s riches? From Ryan
  • Watch Doug all day, or watch Rocko’s Modern Life all day? From Joe
  • Find out Steve Jobs owns a Zune, or find out Bill Gates owns an iPod? From Joe
  • Make sweet, sweet love to a girl only to find out she was dead the whole ime, or take that same girl out to go see Mama Mia the musical? From ben
  • Constantly yell “I’m masturbating” while masturbating, or constantly yell “I’m not masturbating” when not masturbating? From Beta
  • Be the ultimate fighting champion, or not have a job that consists of getting punched in the face a lot? From Hunter

Finally, this week’s winner of the I Miss You, Jason Michaels Award is Addison, who sent in this.

  • Have Jason Michaels as your best friend or have sex with Sarah Palin once? From Addison

The horn of Helm Hammerhand will sound in the deep. One. Last. Time.

If you have a good WYR, submit it here.
Check back every Friday to see if yours made the cut.

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Jake Hurwitz

Jake Hurwitz

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I Fought the Law Run-ins with the cops See All »
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Search and Siezure

When I was 16, I was walking home one night from my girlfriend's (at the time) like any other night. Now, as a teen, I had a shaved head, but that's as far as it goes for me looking like "a bad ass". I was super straight edge. I got to the corner across the street from my apartment, and I was waiting patiently at the light to cross, when all of a sudden I hear the... Read More » wailers and see flashing lights coming in my direction. Two cops get out of their car, tell me to come over and proceed to start hassling me. Given where I lived (tantamount to gang territory) and the fact that I was a teen out past 11PM, this was annoying, but not a huge surprise. The first question they asked me was "where am I going?" I said home. They asked where home is, and I could point to my window from where I was standing. That wasn't good enough. They decided they were going to demand that I "empty my pockets on the hood of the car". I refused, at which point they accused me of having something to hide. But what they didn't know was that I was taking classes in Canadian law at my high school, and had already covered the section on statutes on search and seizure and probable cause. So I told them flat out: "Give me your badge number, and I'll empty my pockets. And, when you find nothing there, I'll be down at your station tomorrow with a lawyer and I won't leave until I have your job because I gave you no probable cause to stop me, let alone undergo a search and seizure of my personal belongings. And if you don't like it, fuck off". Needless to say, they got back in their car and told me to go home. And I did, smiling.