If Going to the Doctor Were Like Going to the Mechanic

Me: Alright doc, how’s she looking?

Doctor: Your grandmother is good as new. We just had to do a little more work than we’d originally planned on.

Me: Whoa, hold on. How much extra work?

Doctor: Well, we suspect she may have had a kidney stone, so we just went ahead and got rid of one em’. Then we did the same thing with the appendix and put in a pace-maker for good measure.

Me: What!? She came in here with a little cough! Couldn’t you have just given her some antibiotics?

Doctor: We had to do some extra work, it couldn’t be avoided.

Me: How much more is this going to cost me?

Doctor: About $100,000.

Me: $100k!? There’s no way my insurance will cover this!

Doctor: That’s the way it is. The pacemaker had to be shipped in from Detroit.

Me: I can’t spend this much on her. She probably won’t even last me another five years!

Doctor: I’m sorry.

Me: Honestly, at this point I might as well just cut my losses and sell her for parts.

Doctor: Is she a donor?

Me: Yeah.

Doctor: We could always use the extra organs.

Me: It’s just hard. She’s been in the family such a long time.

Doctor: Well, it’s $100,000 for the parts and labor.

Me: That’s outrageous. Just keep her.

Grandma: Brian, I’m scared.

Me: Go with the doctor, Grandma.