Your High School Superlatives, Updated 15 Years From Now

Then: Class clown

Now: Most likely to tell blowjob joke to 10 year old

Then: Most likely to succeed

Now: Most likely to share with you ways in which they’ve succeeded

Then: Party animal

Now: High school guidance counselor

Then: Most likely to become a Hollywood actress

Now: Most likely to be “Topless Sunbather 7” in a pay-per-view

Then: Most likely to become a Broadway actor

Now: Most likely to move to Massachusetts with an aspiring Broadway actor

Then: Best athlete

Now: Most likely to take beer league softball too seriously

Then: Most flirtatious

Now: Most likely to have sex with you in the coat room of the high school reunion

Then: Best artistic photographer

Now: Most likely to post 450 pictures of their trip to Wyoming online, in sepia tone

Then: Most energetic

Now: Most likely to sell used Kias

Then: Most attached couple

Now: Parents of the most bitter bastard child

Then: Most precious, smart, and special boy in the entire world!

Now: Most likely to have been home schooled