CH Sports Weekly: Fantasy Hockey Draft Kit -- 201 Sleepers!

Ethan:Do you have Phillies fever yet? Or would you rather make a joke about giving me a Derek Lowe-botomy?

Amir:You know I bleed Dodger Blue. It’s actually a very painful disease. Do you have a primary care physician you can recommend?

Ethan:Not who’s in your HMO’s network. You really like the Dodgers’ chances better in that series? At the moment, Manny’s probably the best hitter on the field, but the Phils have homefield and Jamie Moyer’s inimitable ability to bore opposing batters with stories about what it was like during the last Depression. “Then I traded that mule for my changeup. I did. Then I traded that mule for a can of lima beans.”

Amir:I don’t know much about baseball, but its safe to say homefield advantage means a little less than nothing. Then again, I know you bleed Philadelphia Red. That’s a lot healthier than me.

Ethan:I think it could mean something in this series since the two parks are so different. Also, have you been to Philly lately? They’re so desperate for a title that they got excited about an Arena Football championship. They’ll get excited. Are you surprised the Cubs lost?

Amir:I don’t know if that question has ever been asked sincerely.

Ethan:I can’t walk down a street in Chicago without seeing someone hanging himself with an “It’s Gonna Happen” t-shirt. If the “it” in question is “regretting we gave Alfonso Soriano a gigantic contract by the end of the 2010 season,” yes, it is! Raise the white “W” flag! Since you’re the king of all things L.A., what the hell happened to the Angels? How did they lose a series where Vlad and Tex absolutely murdered the ball?

Amir:I’m from Los Angeles, not Los Angeles of Anaheim, so I don’t have that much insight. So I’ll say… pitching. No wait — hitting. No wait— specifically that idiotic suicide squeeze attempt in Game 4.

Ethan:�Any suicide squeeze attempt is going to look idiotic if it doesn’t score. I guess what killed them is that pretty much everyone else on the team didn’t hit. At all. Also, that they still apparently think the ghost of Garrett Anderson can a) play left field and b) hit in the 2 hole. Come on, that’s why you guys signed that superstar Gary Matthews, Jr. How are the Rays looking to you?

Amir:How can you root against the Rays? A team with no payroll or fans four games away from the World Series. It’s great for baseball and for fans! Have $40 and a plane ticket? You can watch the World Series!

Ethan:They only sold 85% of the tickets for their first playoff game in franchise history. Come on, old people, you can see a few innings and then hit the early bird special. I’m cheering for the Rays this series, too, although I worry that the ninth inning may be an adventure. Then again, nobody with glasses as nerdy as Joe Maddon’s can be stupid, so I trust him completely. Ball State for the BCS title? I feel the rumblings starting.

Amir:The slipper fits! Who are your favorite ten players on that team? I won’t stop you if you wanna go 12 deep.

Ethan:I just looked at their roster. If the BCS gives points for having terrific names on a team, Ball State’s a lock for the title game. Check this out: MiQuale Lewis, Dante Love, Briggs Osborn, Gonzalo Barinaga…the list goes on. They could be a great metal band or pro wrestling stable.

Amir:They have a better chance at the title game than those pansies at USC. I told you they were overrated.

Ethan:Yeah, you do hate them. Who’s winning the Red River Shootout? And don’t say, “The company that makes Bob Stoops’ visors. So much free airtime!”

Amir:(Let’s pretend for a second that the Bengals beat the Cowboys.) I think Oklahoma will win because teams from Texas have had a hard time winning in DALLAS recently! Hahaha! Oh, man. Sorry Cowboys fans! Maybe you would have had better luck against the BROWNS! Just kidding, but ouch. What an upset.

Ethan:A�t this point, Carson Palmer will take any victory he can get. Moral, skee-ball, Tekken 3…if he can win it, he’ll take it. So he appreciates that hypothetical. Can we stick to real results from now on? If you want to talk about fake sports, we can discuss your 1-4 fantasy squad. You know, the one where you start Lance Moore.

Amir:Let me tell you about another team that started Lance Moore. THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS. And they turned out all right!

Ethan:Stop talking about fake results! A�re you ready to board the Redskins bandwagon?

Amir: No.But I should. For some reason I still don’t take them seriously. Though their next three games are against the Rams, the Browns and the Lions, so maybe I’ll start taking them seriously when they’re 7-1.

Ethan:Well, every rose has its Zorn. You’ll come around eventually. Got an interesting fact?

Amir:Ever watched Randy Johnson pitch and wonder if you could catch those hurls?

Ethan:A�t least every other start he makes!

Amir: Well Jacksonville Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio doesn’t have to wonder. He caught for Randy Johnson at USC. He also roomed with Sean Salisbury and played with Mark McGwire.

Ethan:� And here I thought getting rid of Byron Leftwich was his most impressive feat.

Ethan:Until next week, get excited for Florida-LSU!

Ethan and Amir also run StraightCashHomey.net: A Random Jersey Blog