- Taser yourself in the nuts. No seriously, it's awesome. "When I start flailing, you come over here and rip these things off of me, alright buddy?" Idiot.
- The cutest letter opener ever. Even cuter, this letter is actually addressed to Santa, and it's written by a puppy named Giggles.
- If you have a third nipple, you might as well pierce it. Or get it removed either one. I don't think the term, "If you've got it, flaunt it" applies to third nipples.
- Meet me on the corner. I'll be the guy with the Arm Penis. And the penis on this guy's arm is 6 and a half inches. Flaccid. I don't know whether I should be sympathetic or jealous.
- These guys really needed to do their laundry. These guys had a van full of over 18,000 dollars in quarters. And hundreds of dollars worth of stuffed animals from claw machines.
Tom Sunnergren's totally PC update