Ethan: Has Texas lost since Saturday? Being the number one team, I just assume they have. Or do we have to wait for Mizzou to do it on Saturday?
Ethan: Graduated? Did Kerry Collins come in and take his exams when they got tough? Oklahoma's schedule is almost as brutal; they've got Kansas this weekend. Who do you like in that one? I think whoever has Oklahoma's concessions contract is probably the biggest winner.
Amir: Can we get through one column without making a Mangino is fat joke?
Ethan: What? The game is going to be well-attended! Get that many hungry fans in one place, and they're going to open their wallets. Jesus, quit being so suspicious of my motives.
Ethan: You're worse than that tubby Mangino.
Amir: The problem with Texas is that they haven't lost yet. It's going to come down to who lost the earliest this year. And you thought Pete Carroll wasn't smart
Ethan: Penn State hasn't lost yet, either, and if they can get past Ohio State next weekend, they'll be looking good. They can score some points. Did you see them beat the crap out of Wisconsin? Joe Pa remarked that he hadn't seen such a thorough rout since dickety-three. You believe in the Nittany Lions?
Amir: I believe. Penn State hasn't just won every game this year, it's been a thorough romping. Including a beatdown of Oregon State 45 to 14. Maybe JoePa is just getting his twenty-second wind.
Ethan: I can't wait for ESPN to keep having that argument in 2043 when he's more cyborg than man. "Is JoePa done, or does he still have it? It looked like someone forgot to oil his gatling gun before that game against Moon Tech." Think Bama got jobbed by getting hopped for the #1 spot?
Amir: I like that. I feel like in years past you wouldn't see that, but Texas beat the best team in the nation, so they deserve to be number one. In fact, now that I think about it, College Football should be more like wrestling. Now Alabama gets to challenge Texas for the belt.
Ethan: Also, players should have to wear lucha libre masks at all time. It doesn't really matter who's #1 and who's #2 given the way the title game's set up, and neither team has really played a super-tough schedule up to this point. Hey, Peyton Manning's alive!
Amir: Sounds like he took those Eli-is-better talks to heart so did Eli.
Ethan: Hey, it's not Eli's fault the Giants are overrated. They were bound to drop off after losing so many key players, and although they got that good win against the skins, their other wins are the Bengals, Rams, and Seahawks. The rest of their schedule is actually pretty brutal; I could still see them missing the playoffs.
Amir: No wonder Plaxico doesn't want to show up for practice.
Ethan: How did the Lions get so much for Roy Williams? It's like Matt Millen's less-evil, more-competent twin is now running things there.
Amir: This trade confuses me. Who thought the Cowboys were one receiver away from winning a championship?
Ethan: They gave up a ton to get him, and he's really not that great. Granted, he's an upgrade over Crayton, but is he worth three draft picks and then a contract extension at $9 million a year? That sound you hear is T.O. scheming the best way to have a complete meltdown about this.
Amir: I thought it was the sound of Patrick Crayton looking for jobs on craigslist.
Amir: So how do the jerseys work when there are two Roy Williams' on your team. Middle initial?
Ethan: I've been saying for years that "R.L. Williams is terrible in pass coverage." Now people will know who I'm talking about!
Amir: Is he related to R.L. Stine?
Ethan: Opposing offensive coordinators get goosebumps looking at his matchups.
Ethan: Still think the Rays are a fluke?
Amir: Okay, so they can win the big one, but they still haven't proved to me if they can win the REALLY REALLY big one. Better luck next year, boys!
Ethan: I notice your Los Angeles love has been strangely quiet this column. What's the matter, can't handle the amazing duo of Matt Stairs and Shane Victorino? Look, there's no shame in blowing a game to a couple of first-ballot Hall of Famers.
Amir: I haven't been a Dodger fan since Todd Hollandsworth got traded/released/died. Can't remember which.
Ethan: I'm excited and nervous for tonight's Phils-Dodgers game. I have full trust in Hamels, but Chad Billingsley is not as suck-tacular as he was in his first start. Then again, Joe Torre's probably starting to wonder why he's not on vacation yet. Seems he usually starts getting more free time around this time of the year. Got an interesting fact for this week?
Amir: Speaking of the Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles, Manny is 7-8 with RISP in October. If he keeps his up he'll break the all time record held by none other than Alan Trammell, who went for 4-5 in the 1984 playoffs.
Ethan: I really hope this means Manny some day gets fired from managing the Tigers. Until next week, get excited for Rays World Series fever!
Amir and Ethan also run StraightCashHomey.net: A random jersey blog