Marching Band National Council

Recently a momentous occasion occurred for all those people who associate themselves with a “Band” across this great nation of whatever. One representative from each section of the Marching Band met in Stillwater, Oklahoma to speak of issues, future plans, and Ice Cream Sandwiches.  I was lucky enough to get to sit on this amazing event and transcribe. This is what I heard:

Horn: Okay everyone! Please be quiet and sit down, I call this meeting of the National Marching Band Council to order at a brisk 2PM. Before we start our regular business does anyone have any important announcements?

 
Tuba: Yeah, I have one; can we close the shades in here? Or maybe it because you are being too loud…just be a little quieter, my head feels like a jackhammer is violating my ear.

 
Horn: You know you didn’t HAVE to drink last night. That is not our faults.

 
Tuba: Stop making up words…I don’t like you…Moving on.

 
Flute: Hey Everyone! Oh man I am so glad to be back at on this wonderful day! I would just like to let everyone know that I made cupcakes and they are in the back of the room for everyone to enjoy!

 
DrumLine: These were for everyone? You should have been more specific.

 
Clarinet: I would like to tell everyone that it nice to see them again and I look forward to doing all this fantastic stuff with you guys.

 
Tuba: Shut up Clarinet, no one hears you anyway; it’s a lot like you don’t matter. (Drumline and Tuba high five)

 
Horn: Okay, does anyone know where Trombone is?

 
Saxophone: If I had to bet I would say a mental institution or jail. Flip a coin.

 
Baritone: Has anyone seen Saxophone’s balls lately? Oh wait, I found them in my giant pants to hold my giant balls!

 
Saxophone: Very clever Baritone, why don’t you go back to your corner of the world where sex doesn’t exist and you are lonely.

 
Baritone: Wanna make out?   (Saxophone and Baritone start to make out)

 
Horn: Well, this is incredibly inappropriate…anymore announcements?

 
Color Guard: I have one! Heyyyyyy you guys, how is goin? I would just like to say that it is super sweet to be here but I do have one concern, my hotel room key isn’t working, can I stay in anyone’s room tonight?

 
Drumline: Do you take credit cards?

 
Trumpets: Everyone, can I please have your attention? I have an important announcement for you all. We trumpets are tired of being stereotyped as having a low IQ and horrible work ethic when that is obviously not the case. Just because we don’t care about almost anything we are doing besides occasionally some Ultimate Disk does not mean that we are stupid. I would like to charge you all with trying to treat your fellow band member better because I don’t know if you all remember, but we are one sound guys, one sound to rule them all, and we must stick together.

 
Clarinet: Trumpet is right, apart we are nothing but together we can like, be awesome and stuff!

 
Trumpet: Right! Oh and one more thing – (Trumpet bends over, pulls down pants, and proceeds to open his ass to the room) You guys suck! TRUMPET PRIDE!!! (Trumpet runs out of the room without pants)

 
Horn: On a lighter note Trombone just called and is in jail. Saxophone owes me ten bucks which I will probably put towards bail. Any more announcements before we begin?

 
Tuba: One more thing, I am officially done with my hangover, so I move we adjourn.

 
Flute: We haven’t even started yet! I just made more cupcakes!

 
Drumline: Oh damn, were those for everyone again?

 
Front Ensemble: Okay that’s it, I’m leaving! This is complete bull shit and I hate you all!!!

 
Horn: I didn’t even know the front ensemble was here, huh… okay this is boring, anyone up for a nap?

 
Color Guard: Anyone have a bed for me to sleep in?

 
Drumline: Jackpot.