Tips/Tricks for Coming Off as a Totally Chill Dude Pt. 2

The only thing more chiller than writing an article is writing a sequal. So uh.. I guess theres a lesson in and of itself to be learned. The road to chill is a long one, and this author has a full tank-o-gas.

Situation 1: Walking into a classroom.

Unchill move:

1. Step inside, look for an open seat and walk quietly to your destination.

Icy-cold chill move:

1. Step inside and scream “WHO HERE LIKES TO PARRRRTAY!?”
2. Point at the professor and simply nod.
3. Laugh off any uncomfortable silences, then moonwalk to your desk.
4. Take a seat, kick off your shoes then strike a conversation with your neighbor about how hard it was to learn how to moonwalk.

Situation 2: Ordering delivery pizza.

Unchill move:

1. When it comes time to order, speak clearly and slowly into the phone, making sure to remember the right thing.
2. Thank the person on the other end, then wait patiently for your pizza.

Teeth-chatteringly chill move:

1. Get into character. You are an Australian ex-con with a bad temper and an empty stomach.
2. Attempt to order a “kangaroo loin and pepperoni”.
3. Put your hand over the phone and do an open mouthed silent laugh with your peeps.
4. Attempt to order a “sausage and Fosters”.
5. Repeat step 3.
6. Finally, concede and order boomerang breadsticks.
7. Hang up!
8. Remember that your hungry, and actually call back and order.

Situation 3: Using a search engine.

Unchill move:

1. Perform a effective search, utilizing quotations and plus signs.

So-cold-it’d-kill-a-grown-polar-bear chill move:

1. Pick between one of the following three searches, the rest of the internet is bullshit.
a. Bein’ real chill (note: this article will probably be a top hit).
b. Mad hot chicks.
c. Back-flips.

Situation 4: Cracking jokes on the internet

Unchill move:

1. Sit down in a quite area with working space, then brainstorm and write down ideas, always trying to find something fresh.

Holy-shit-my-eyes-have-frozen-into-ice-cream-balls chill move:

1. Rehash an old formula that worked in the past.
2. Just kinda fill in the blanks, hoping no one will notice.
3. Close your eyes, hit submit and forget it ever happened.
4. Moonwalk.