Roommate Confessions: Issue 48

It’s been an entire week since your last confession and there’s been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don’t forget to submit your misdeeds here!

There was an R.A. in my dorms who was a real prick; he gave out fines and pink-slips for everything that the rulebook had to offer – candles burning, incense, six pack plugs and extension cords, and of course alcohol. Eventually, we devised a plan to get this lilly livered, wanna-be airport security guard, back. My roommates were seriously midwestern and all of them chewed tobacco which I thought was absolutely disgusting; however, it had occurred to me that this disgusting habit had its advantages. We collected chew spit for two weeks and in total we had 3, two liter bottles of nothing but dirty, smelly, brown saliva. We took our small 5 gallon garbage can and filled it with all the spit that we had collected, and at about 3:30 that night we leaned the bucket against his door, which opened to the inside of the room. Nobody actually saw him open the door, but everyone for two floors in either direction heard it. We all piled out of our rooms in a hurry to see what the commotion was all about and saw his feet covered in chew spit. He cleaned it for 5 or 6 days to no avail, but he stayed off our backs in the meantime and thereafter. Every time I walked by his room and saw the dingy, stained carpet, I couldn’t help but laugh a little, then I would get that waft from his room that made the hairs on the inside of my nose BURN! The carpet got cleaned, but there was no incense or candle in the world that would cover the smell of stale spit soaked into his already decaying carpet. I am pretty sure that he never found out who did it, but we couldn’t be too far from his thoughts.

Kevin Picollo, University of Nevada – Reno

Recently my roommate thought it would be funny to draw on me while I was passed out in my bed. So I thought it would be funny to go onto his computer, open up the word file that was titled “passwords” and log onto his school account, print 10,000 blank pages to the color printer. Hey Andrew, enjoy your current printer balance of $-998.70.
Mr. E, University of Wisconsin – Platteville

In the past year I’ve stolen over 150 dollars from you. I’ve masturbated in your bed. I’ve worn your clothes and put them back without asking you. I’ve purposely eaten all of your food or spit in what I didn’t eat. I fed your beta fish to my cat. I peed in the corner behind your bed and acted like I didn’t smell anything causing you to have to shampoo the carpets. I threw your laptop on the ground causing the screen to break then put it back in your bag so that you thought it was your fault and I ‘accidentally’ stepped on your ipod then put it under a pair of your jeans so you thought it was your fault. Oh yeah, and remember the time you brought that new bottle of shampoo online that was 100 dollars? Yeah, I took it all out and put it in an empty shampoo bottle for me to use then replaced yours with regular dollar general shampoo. That will teach you to try and flirt with my boyfriend!
Christine Jeckols, School Not Given

My roommate was a total douche for multiple reasons so I put Pam “cooking spray” and sprayed the shower down and the bathtub and all of his shampoo and what not. So he steps into the shower, slips, busts his ass and goes on a nude rampage. Dumbass.
Mark Smith, Indiana University

This week we have a very special entry from MY freshman suitemate!
I had this one tall red headed suite mate freshman year who was constantly getting on my nerves. Throughout the year we would always play pranks on each other. One night, he put pictures of naked men and videos of girls getting fucked by horses on my computer, so I knew I had to come back with something good. One night during the second semester, I brought home a fat chick with and my other suite mate and I double teamed her on his bed.

Jim Bourne, James Madison University

Submit yours here!