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Brian Murphy

Bitter Guy Who Just Got Dumped Stars in a Sci-Fi Thriller

by Brian Murphy on

Cpt. Hogard: Rascal 6 and 7, I need you for this attack run. Prepare to enter V formation. Equip proton torpedoes.

Sisserfina: I’m suffering heavy fire! My rear deflector shield is breaking up!

Cpt. Hogard: Take evasive action. Rascal 7, can you cover her?

Lt. Dave: I’m sure she’ll be fine. Her deflector shield is probably just “on a break,” it should be getting back together any day now.

Sisserfina: Dave, this isn’t the time!

Cpt. Hogard: Fine, I’ll do it then. shoots Take that Garflonians!

Sisserfina: Nice shot babe!

Lt. Dave: Babe!?

Sisserfina: Bogey coming in at 3 o’clock.

Cpt. Hogard: The fleet can’t handle their artillery!

Sisserfina: Maybe we should retreat?

Lt. Dave: Yeah, let’s just break it off. Even though this attack run has been with you for three years and has an excellent retirement plan.

Cpt. Hogard: We have to make a stand. If the Garflonians take the base, all this bloodshed will have been for nothing.

Lt. Dave: My HERO.

Cpt. Hogard: Lieutenant, this is serious! We MUST unite against the enemy.

Lt. Dave: My definition of enemy includes guys who bone my girlfriend.

Sisserfina: Dave!

Cpt. Hogard: Oh God, they’re everywhere. An entire squadron just ambushed us!

Sisserfina: There’re too many. They’ve got a lock on you!

Cpt. Hogard: Pray for the Alliance, Sisserfina. Tell Palmus to lead the fleet.

Sisserfina: Hogard, NO!

Cpt. Hogard: Goodbye, my Crystallian princess. I love you. explodes

Sisserfina: Hogard…

Lt. Dave: Cry about it, slut.

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Brian Murphy

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It's a vase

I used to work night shift manufacturing in small town Nebraska. After work, I went home and bummed around a bit, when my roommate and I realized we were hungry for some greasy food. Everything is shut down except a 24 truck stop about 20 minutes away. We head out, and half way there we see lights flashing in the rear. He wasn't speeding so we had no idea why we were... Read More » getting pulled over (turns out it was a burnt out tail light). The cop comes up, sees two mid twenties guys wearing huddies, and when he asked us where we were going answered him that we were going to the truck stop because we had the munchies. 45 minutes go by and we hear a dog sniffing the car, barking at the trunk. I look at my friend and say "Your not sending me to jail man!", "No, I clean, really." Sweet is poring down our face when the officer says, "Both of you step out of the car NOW." We comply, and 5 officers search every inch of the two of us. Then they search his trunk, "SIR, ARE THESE YOUR WEAPONS?", My friend answers, "That's my key chain pocket knife, I forgot it was in there." The offices disregards it than spits back "WHATS THIS?!?" My friend squeaked out "That's a vase sir." Much to their disappointment, we were clean, and they let us go. I still chuckle when I go back to visit and see his vase.