The First Sex Talk

God nervously paces back and forth in front of Adam and Eve.

God: We need to talk. You both have been alive for a full three weeks now, and you may have started to notice certain, um, urges when you’re around each other.

The two stare blankly.

God: Let me start over. You know the birds and the bees?

Adam: I named them both. So?

God: You’re right, that metaphor doesn’t help or even make sense. To try another tack – there are only two of you. What if we wanted more?

Adam: I guess you could take another of my ribs, but that really hurt and now I whistle when I breathe.

God: Right! Well, if you love each other very much and decide to spend the rest of your lives with each other-

Eve: As opposed to whom?

God: Here, the angels gave me these diagrams. Maybe they help?

Adam: Oh THAT? We’ve been doing that for weeks! It’s great!

Eve: Yeah! Wait, what’s this next part? Is- Is that a little Adam? You put a little you inside me?!?

Adam: I did that? I am the man!

God: Technically, that’s true.

Eve: Do I have to do the thing with the new Adam, too?

Adam: But- I thought you enjoyed the thing!

Eve: I do, but, um, God said we should only use it for making more you’s. Or maybe me’s. Any other time really pisses him off.

God: I did not say that.

Adam: Fine. What about that other, more complicated thing we tried? The one that doesn’t make people?

Eve: Yeah, he’s definitely against that one.

Adam: Well, heck, maybe I’ll just go do it with one of the lions! How about that?

God: I can’t believe you’re making such a huge deal out of this simple,natural thing. Forget it. I’m not even going to tell you about super-orgasms.

Adam: Wait, what?

God disappears in a flash of lightning.

Adam: That was weird. Want to do the thing?

Eve: Is that all you think about?