We’re calling from inside the house.
I found a penny and got really happy because I knew that when I picked it up, I would have good luck for the rest of the day! It was 11:57 PM. Five minutes later a hobo spit on me. It was his hat I took the penny from.
Drug abuse
I never abuse drugs. I take great care of them. Like keep them in a plastic bag in a temperate climate.Time traveler from the future
—Your days are numbered. OH NO!!!—Oh… I’m just talking about your calendar. These days. They’re numbered. It’s convenient. We just have weird symbols and stuff in my time.
—Oh… yeah. I guess it is convenient.
—Extremely. This way it’s much easier to know that you have exactly 29 days until your galaxy explodes.
Eminem’s autobiography
I lost myself in the music, the moment, I owned it. I never ever let it go, go. I only had one shot. I didn’t miss my chance to flow. Those opportunities came once in a lifetime, yo.It’s a shame that one of the 6 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon wasn’t talent.
The more I hear my friends talk about “whackin it” the more I think I’m doing it wrong.
Personal ad
I like long walks on the beach, listening to music… BUT I FUCKING HATE MEDIUM-LENGTH WALKS ON THE BEACH!If tumbleweed blowing by is a sign of an unfunny joke, then Unforgiven must be the least funny movie ever made. Which is weird, ‘cause when I watched it I couldn’t stop laughing.
Something you’ll hear at an athletics event and not a mathletics event
“We’re going to win if we just give 110%”Our economy can’t be that bad People have spent $52.5 million on Beverly Hills Chihuahua in two weeks.
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Drinking Games for the Mature Adult
The 8 Stages of Staying Up All Night
What Your Ski Tracks Say About You
Christmas Gift Org Charts, Through Life
The Absolute Worst Case Scenario Handbook: Holiday Shopping Edition
The Internet Justice League
Spending your Valentine's Day on the internet? This will make everything better.
Thoughts on Valentine's Day from people who are paid to be cynical bastards.
The 3D makes this movie look real...ly sucky
Your pet says a lot about you. But then, you have a gossipy parrot.
Guys try to surf without water, and somehow succeed.
Ice T is good, but this time of year it's all about CoCo
Yeah! And why did Microsoft make Bing when they can just use Google?
Valentine's Day was simpler back then. And creepier.
Hey! Get your real world out of my internet!
These guys are getting called out by the reeferee.
