CH Sports Weekly: Typing with Broken Pinkies

Ethan: Let’s go Phillies! No, really, let’s go. You guys only have a few hours in which to find a DH to use against Kazmir. This could come down to the wire. (Here’s a hint: don’t use Chris Coste.)

Amir: How can you root against America’s team? When was the last time we saw a team go from worst to first like this?! In any sport?

Ethan: Four months ago, and I did root for them in the ALCS! They’re a great story. But come on, how can you cheer against Philly finally winning a title? Tampa Bay won a Super Bowl with Brad Johnson at QB. They’ve used up their karmic allocation for this decade. Plus, they won a Stanley Cup in 2004. (Not sure if that helps or hurts my point.)

Amir: Las Vegas thinks the Rays are gonna win — probably because Moyer is going to have to pitch on just twelve days rest in game three. Who would you bet on?

Ethan: Hey, at Moyer’s age, most people are doing nothing but resting and going on and on about how we’ll never see another president like Woodrow Wilson.

Amir: Wilson’s fastball did have more velocity than Moyers…

Ethan:I’d probably bet on the Phillies because I wouldn’t want to pull against them. I’m worried that even if they sneak out with a win tonight (and Hamels has been a beast), that it won’t matter once Moyer or Blanton drops a game at home. Are you surprised headline writers have already wasted “The Price is Right!” This guy’s going to be awesome for years to come, and they’ve already blown their wad.

Amir: I’m surprised the Rays saved this guy until the 8th inning of Game 7. What a monster. I have a new goal in life: scream so loud it has to be done into a baseball glove. And not just when I’m getting a shot at the doctors.

Ethan: It does make me nervous to see Price out there dominating and screaming while Brad Lidge looks like he might throw up all over the mound. He’s getting the job done, though. How about those delightful Cowboys?

Amir: You mean “them” delightful Cowboys? You think they’re worried? Giving up 34 points to a Rams team that didn’t hit the red zone until week three? Wait till Romo comes back and plays free safety. Things are gonna change, I can feel it.

Ethan: If Jerry Jones really wants to meddle in the Cowboys’ game planning, he should join their secondary. Sure, he might not have played competitive football since 18 aught 4, but there’s nothing wrong with him a little Botox can’t fix. He’ll be no more of a coverage liability than Roy Williams. So long, Colts bandwagon. We hardly knew ye.

Amir: Who knew if you kept a football team together for 8 years they’d eventually grow old and ineffective. Bring back Edge!

Ethan: I just looked at the passing yardage leaderboard for Week 7. The top five: Garcia, Frerotte, Pennington, Orton, and Schaub. Next year I’m drafting my fantasy team by pounding my fist on the keyboard until players magically show up on my roster.

Amir: A thousand monkeys typing at a thousand computers will assemble the best team of sleepers in a thousand years.

Ethan:Will the Titans ever lose? When LenDale white runs uninterrupted for 80 yards after anything other than a glazed ham, I’m intrigued.

Amir: Did you know they’re only favored by four at home against Indy this week? They are the most underrated 6-0 team ever.

Ethan: Who knew a team quarterbacked by Kerry Collins could be underrated? I’ll tell you who: fans of the 1998 New Orleans Saints. Sure, he went 2-5 there, but that could easily have been 3-4. Has Colt McCoy made you forget all about Colt Brennan?

Amir: And the Indy Colts.

Ethan: What do you think Washington State’s coaches are telling their players right now? Come on, guys…USC barely snuck by us. 69-0…that’s just a few unlucky breaks away from covering the 42-point spread!

Amir: “You guys are getting embarrassed every week, but at least you’re in college. How do you think I feel? Not only am I a shame, but my best years are behind me. You should be giving ME a pep talk.”

Ethan: Who you got in the two big games this weekend? Texas Tech-Kansas and Oklahoma State-Texas.

Amir: I will choose Texas until they lose a game, and Texas Tech because the word “Texas” is in it.

Ethan: Same reason I keep betting on North Texas. This 0-7 record is making me start to rethink that logic, though. Got an interesting fact?

Amir: Three of Texas’ first four games were 52-10 victories. How can you get any more consistent than that?

Ethan: By not beating UTEP by just 42-13. Jesus, you call yourselves title contenders? Real champs win by the same score every week.

Ethan: Until next week, get excited for the further grind of the NHL season!

Amir and Ethan run StraightCashHomey.net: A Random Jersey Blog.