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105%-O-Matic

Issue #83

by 105%-O-Matic on

Reading this while smoking may cause lung disease.

Bipolar movie review
“I laughed! I cried! Then I went and saw the movie!”
-Patrick Cassels
My father had a huge heart. The doctors think that’s why it exploded out of his chest.
-Ben And Adam
I decided to keep a running diary during my sophomore year of college, but I got hit by a car pretty soon after I started. So I decided to keep a sitting in my room by myself diary. Then I got hit by another car, so I just stopped keeping diaries altogether.
-Conor McKeon
Even though both of my parents are dead, no one really calls me an orphan. They usually call me a murderer.
-Gabe L
How come every man who “advertises” himself in the bathroom stall has a “10 inch hard c*ck?” If I had HALF that much, I’m sure I would have NO problems getting laid!
-Dave Theriot
I hate when the T.V. tells me to go see High School Musical 3 Senior Year, because frankly, I just don’t think I can wait that long.
-Blake Stuck
Do you think hookers go as moderately clothed college girls for Halloween?
-Tanner Boyd
I love movies
Look, I love watching movies, but that seems to be all they’re good for.
-Jason Flowers
I’m afraid to log in to my email at the library, I’m afraid somebody behind me looking at my monitor will see that my password is seven asterisks.
-Socrates Johnson
Heaven’s waiting room
This week Florida started its early voting for the election. You think it’s because most of the people won’t be around the actual day of?
-Marc Violett
Whenever I politely ask my girlfriend to give me road-head, she always freaks out even if I offer to grab the wheel for her.
-Jake Klocksien
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