CH Sports Weekly: RIP Greg Oden

Ethan: Has Game 5 started again yet? I’ve been watching Fox for 36 straight hours in case it comes on, and my eyes are so bloody I can’t tell what’s on the screen.

Ethan: Just play this bad boy in Independence Hall and call it a day. Pedro Feliz is a great fielder at third, but can he make a play behind Ben Franklin’s chair? I wish Fox had never ended their broadcast and Tim McCarver was just still on the air incoherently rambling for two days. “Now, you talk about clutch….God, I’m so hungry…now that’s what players call ‘a cement mixer,’ Joe…”

Amir:So who does this layoff help more: The Phillies, the Rays, or Weather.com?

Ethan: The Rays. Hamels was dealing in that game, and now he’s out of it, I’d guess. Plus, the Rays got to spend two days in fabulous Wilmington, Delaware. It’s lovely in autumn. You still have to like Philly to win that game, though, if only because they’ve got 12 outs to burn while the Rays only have nine. Let’s ask Tim McCarver what he thinks.

Tim McCarver: Cement mixer!

Ethan: Insightful as always. Do you think Ed Hochuli has a future as an MLB ump if this whole NFL thing falls through?

Amir: He’d be the only one without a chest guard. “Come on Price, is that all you have?! High heat right to my larynx, boy!”

Ethan: I like that the calls in the World Series have ranged from “indefensibly bad” to “Good to see MLB’s giving Tim Donaghy a second chance.” Why didn’t Selig just run for president? Any doubts left about Texas being awesome?

Amir:I thought you were still talking about baseball, in which case “yes! Lots of doubts!” But I guess in terms of College Football: No. The only question now is, what happens when Penn State goes undefeated and ends up not playing in the Title Game.

Ethan: They’ll play in the title game. They have three games left, and the only tough one is Michigan State at home. Meanwhile, Bama still has to go to LSU and beat Auburn in a rivalry game, and Texas still has Texas Tech. Plus, they’ll both have to play conference title games. One of them will lose. (I’m Les Miles, and I approve this message.)

Amir: Call me crazy, but has anybody thought of a college football playoff? Would that make sense?

Ethan: That would be terrible for the student athletes. They’re all too busy writing 50-page treatises the significance of gargoyle imagery in Victorian poetry. They don’t have time to divide their brains with your trivial little playoff. It kills Colt McCoy to take off his tweed blazer this much as it is.

Amir: It’s always exciting to see sigle digit numbers next to both schools in the matchup, and this week it happens twice! Pick your winners: Florida, Georgia, Texas, or Texas Tech.

Ethan: A�fter Florida’s last two games, it’s hard to pick against them. The other game is tougher, though. Texas Tech hadn’t really played anyone until they creamed Kansas, but they’re at home. I’ll go with the upset special and take Texas Tech. Meanwhile, how about those Seahawks? They’re on a roll!�Beating the Niners counts as a roll, right?)

Amir: I’m for anything that gets Mike Singletary pissed. He’s like the drill sergeant father I never had…

Ethan: It’s like Jim Mora’s been reincarnated even though he’s still alive. And this time, he’s here to kick some ass. Time to start taking the Titans seriously? I hope so, if only because I’m running out of fat jokes about LenDale.

Amir: A�ll right, four more wins and then I may consider them good. The thing is, in today’s NFL, there are no great teams. So very good may be the best we got!

Ethan: Kerry Collins has spent his 73 years as an NFL QB hoping this day would come. Two big games this week: New England-Indy and Pitt-Washington. Who’s winning?

Amir: New England-Indy? What is this 2007? If I wanted to watch mediocre football I’d be a Raider fan. Which I am. It’s pretty depressing. And I’ll keep taking Pittsburgh to win any game until Mewelde Moore stops looking like a cross between Barry Sanders and Eric Dickerson.

Ethan: Look, the slate of games isn’t great this week. What would you rather pick? Jax-Cincy? Cards-Rams? Cowboys-Giants is there, too, but with no Romo you’ve got to love the Giants in that one. Got an interesting fact for us?

Amir: The Titans are 7-0 in games where they have thrown less than 200 yards this season. That’s right. Every single one. Oddly enough that’s happened before: the 1985 Rams. They threw for 300 yards in game 8 and lost. So stay tuned!

Ethan:Yeah, but Kerry Collins is no aging Dieter Brock. (I can’t tell if I mean that as a good thing or not.) Until next week, get excited for the NBA! Enjoy Greg Oden while we’ve got him.

Amir and Ethan also run StraightCashHomey.net, A random jersey blog.