craigslist apartment browsing truth.

what they say : truth

COZY! !: so small you can piss from your bed into the toilet and not spill a drop.

luxury apartment! : piece of shit

Modern Apartment : it was painted in the 90’s.

safe neighborhood : its in the hood but the scary drug dealer that used to hustleout front has been shot… …so he’s not there anymore

remodeled: it failed inspection once, nothing a little paint and chewed gum cant fix!

new carpet! ! new paint ! ! ! : assholes used to live here

pet friendly : smells like piss

studio apartment : closet with plumbing.

everything included! : rent is way overpriced

VERY CLEAN APARTMENT!! : ..as long as you dont have any UV blacklights.

AVAILABLE NOW! : HAS BEEN AVAILABLE FOR MONTHS!

EXCLUSIVE! ! ! WONT LAST! ! ! : no one has even looked at it

includes heat, cable , water , trash : the landlord steal s cable .

nosecurity deposit required! : bullshit fees to come

FreeH20 and Trash ! : landlord is way too cheap and wont fix shit

offstreet parking! : your car will probably get broke n into

references required : landlord either hates gays or¤eals drugs

Apartments near the ZOO! ! : oouuuoouoou SOOOLD!!! (nothing good worth mentioning)

heat included! : its electric heat you’ re going to pay for.

quiet neighborhood : no black people live here , you racists.

near College! ! : so much crime and noise you’ll want to die

Large apartment! ! ! : the house itself is a total shithole.

largeclosets! : small fuckin rooms

comfortable apartment : . . . there s going to be a lease you cant get out of.

no lease required : i’m lucky if I sucker you into renting it for 3 months

Beautifully remodeled. . . : ehhh we paint ed it.

FULLY FURNISHED! ! : grandma died here.

Gay Friendly! : hope you like techno.

No Pets Allowed : No Kids Allowed

No Smoking : Landlord likes to show up just to say “hi”.¼/span>

great view! : anythinnnng to distract u from the inside.

GREAT DEAL : theres a sucker born every minute.