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My friend said my new goatee made me look like a pedophile. Which is ridiculous, those charges were dropped.
Whenever I see on the news that the police call off the search for a missing person, it always upsets me. Because that means that there's a chance that someone out there is far better at hide and go seek than I'll ever be.
Freshmen girls are a lot like prostitutes only they get paid in life lessons.
If so many women are looking for their knight in shining armor, why is the Renaissance Faire filled with virgins?
Rumor had it that this Halloween was initiation night for the Bloods and that prospective gang members had to kill 31 women to join. Of course it was all a hoax, which means I killed 31 hos for nothing.
This guy told me that since the barrel of a gun is the business end, then the handle is the party end. Let me tell you, it wasn't all that fun.
I really identified with the characters in "Lost in Translation" because i can't speak Japanese either. Also, i fear my marriage is a sham
I saw a PSA that said 1/3 of all car accident involve someone who has THC in their bloodstream, I'm no statistician, but what the fuck is wrong with the 2/3 of sober people who suck at driving?
The Ordinary Edition. Howie MandelHowie Mandel's soulpatch makes him look like he tried to grow a Hitler-stache but missed by a few inches.-Andrew B.Things Considered "A Waste of Time" By Luke Sk …