Tips for Free Online Dating

There are a number of reasons a guy may decide to give online dating a try, whether it be shyness, curiosity, laziness, or just plain perversion. If you have decided to, or have been thinking about, jumping into the soul-destroying world of online dating, but lack the funds to actually join a real website, here are a few tips to consider while browsing for your lucky lady…

Personality Tests

A few of these free online dating sites may offer a personality test used to “match” you with local singles based on “chemistry” and “compatibility”, but rest assured, they are simply a waste of time. Granted, it’s an impressive attempt to seem professional, but keep in mind that you aren’t paying a dime. A free website doesn’t have the resources needed to evaluate results and recommend matches for every freeloading member. You’ll basically be set up with just about every user in your area with a vagina. But really, at this point, how picky can you be?

Her Picture

There are many of us who are well aware of the process of angled picture taking, made famous on the once-popular networking website MySpace. For reasons that seemingly defy logic and science, when a girl takes her picture from an awkward camera angle, they can appear much more appealing than reality will have you believe. When a high camera faces downward towards a girl, for example, it can hide a double chin while adding cleavage. Combine this method with the pouty lips technique and the results can be dangerous.

NOTE: If a girl puts up a group photo with her and friends without identifying which girl she is, always assume it’s the ugly one.

Her Profile

While browsing a dating site, you may quickly come to notice many similarities in the contents of most girls’ profiles. They all enjoy music and movies, family and friends mean the most to them, and they all, apparently, play volleyball. While the lack of originality and effort may seem discouraging, it all comes down to one basic realization: they are girls, on the internet. They don’t have to try. For every guy that doesn’t attempt to make contact, thirty others will. Keep in mind that the more a girl seems to be your perfect match, the more likely it is that she’s insane. It’s just how the internet works.

Going Out

If you are ever lucky enough to convince a girl from the internet to interact with you in person, remember that first dates mean a lot; especially in these cases, considering all the freaky perverts she’s probably had to deal with. You need to try extra hard to prove you’re not one of them. And if you are, maybe take it down a notch. Or six.
 
Information gathered from various profiles shows that girls want to do something fun and spontaneous on a first date, with horseback riding as the prime example. Ignore the fact that planning such a date would actually contradict all spontaneity. Girls don’t get irony. They do, however, fucking love horses.