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Jake Hurwitz

The Weekly WYR: November 12th

by Jake Hurwitz on

It’s my favorite time of the week, it’s time for the Weekly WYR. See if you’re brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe’s most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you’ve got a great WYR, submit it at the bottom of this or any WYR article.

Would You Rather…

  • Have infinite money, or live as long as you want? From Brian
  • Be famous for getting beat up by Clay Aiken, or be famous for banging Oprah? From reed
  • Call it Rhode Island, or Kakapoopoopeepeeshire? From Dave
  • Have an unlimited supply of quarters and not have a cell, or have a cell and never be able to use a quarter again? From Josh
  • Have world peace, or have Ted Dansen and Woopie Goldberg get back together? From Connor
  • Never be able to scratch your back, or your balls again? From Steven
  • Only have sex once a year, with the new Miss Universe on the night she is crowned, or have daily sex with a fat chick? From Dylan
  • Have straight, black teeth that can’t be whitened, or pearly white, crooked teeth that can’t be fixed? From gavin
  • Have a dumb girlfriend with big boobs, or a smart girlfriend with a major bank account and no boobs? From Marten

Finally, this week’s winner of the Haha Award is irab, who sent in this.

  • Be able to rig the presidential election or be the dirty liberal media and ruin this country? From irab

Sorry Irab, but- in your face.

If you have a good WYR, submit it here.
Check back every Friday to see if yours made the cut.

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Jake Hurwitz

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I Fought the Law Run-ins with the cops See All »
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Search and Siezure

When I was 16, I was walking home one night from my girlfriend's (at the time) like any other night. Now, as a teen, I had a shaved head, but that's as far as it goes for me looking like "a bad ass". I was super straight edge. I got to the corner across the street from my apartment, and I was waiting patiently at the light to cross, when all of a sudden I hear the... Read More » wailers and see flashing lights coming in my direction. Two cops get out of their car, tell me to come over and proceed to start hassling me. Given where I lived (tantamount to gang territory) and the fact that I was a teen out past 11PM, this was annoying, but not a huge surprise. The first question they asked me was "where am I going?" I said home. They asked where home is, and I could point to my window from where I was standing. That wasn't good enough. They decided they were going to demand that I "empty my pockets on the hood of the car". I refused, at which point they accused me of having something to hide. But what they didn't know was that I was taking classes in Canadian law at my high school, and had already covered the section on statutes on search and seizure and probable cause. So I told them flat out: "Give me your badge number, and I'll empty my pockets. And, when you find nothing there, I'll be down at your station tomorrow with a lawyer and I won't leave until I have your job because I gave you no probable cause to stop me, let alone undergo a search and seizure of my personal belongings. And if you don't like it, fuck off". Needless to say, they got back in their car and told me to go home. And I did, smiling.