Play'n with Fire

“My therapist says I’m attracted to losers” has got to be one of the worst things you can hear on a date. Not only does it imply that the girl thinks you’re a loser, but it also means she’s got enough baggage to mention her shrink in casual conversation. Oh well — if she didn’t have a few screws loose she probably wouldn’t want anything to do with Turtle. Not that I don’t think he’s a cool guy, but come on: It’s Meadow Soprano.

Turtle’s so smitten by Jamie-Lynn I’m a little afraid she’s turning into the group’s Yoko. She’s been hanging out with him for a day and already he’s re-evaluating his life. If Turtle ends up becoming his own man, who’s gonna go on wacky adventures with Drama? But I guess it isn’t necessarily a bad thing, seeing as Turtle’s been cast into the background for the entire season. It’s nice that he’s got his own storyline and hopefully it’ll develop into something interesting.

The directors on this show are assholes. I didn’t think there was any chance we’d see someone worse than Billy Walsh, but then came Verner. He’s directing a melodramatic action movie and acts like it’s Citizen f*cking Kane. For whatever reason, he can’t accept Vince’s performance in a pivotal scene and ends up firing him. This prompts Ari to travel to the set to negotiate, but Verner’s not willing to listen. The studio ends up getting involved and ultimately decides to shut down production.

Since next week is the season finale, the movie being shutdown just seems like it’s a cliffhanger before the happy ending – but the previews tell a different story. Looks like the boys are heading back to Queens. I guess all this “Smokejumpers” nonsense was for nothing?

Episode highlights:

- “It’s either you or me. If I’m going in, I’m goin in blazin.” – Drama
- “The Jew has arrived and he doesn’t like Germans.” – Ari
- “She would let us double penetrate her if I asked her.” – Ari
- Verner running around the office as Rammstein plays in the background
- THE UNVEILING OF TURTLE’S REAL NAME!!! Sal.