Damn, My Pencil-Thin Beard is Perfect!

Sometimes we post stuff from our friends around the Web.  This comes courtesy of ThePhatPhree.com and was written by Charlie DeMarco.

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YES! Three years of pimping this short, super thin beard, and finally it is perfect. I gotta take a picture of this. Sweet, there’s an area on my jawline where the beard is down to a single hair across, and it’s mirrored exactly on the other side. Fantastic!

Chicks dig precision.

I should have been a heart surgeon. Those rich jerkoffs have no idea when I deliver thier pizza that I could have been the best surgeon in the world. It takes a still hand to shave such a thin line. I wonder why more doctors don’t go for this look. Probably against hospital dress code. Besides, all the women patients would be walking around all moist if the doctors looked like this.

Damn, even the subtly curved tapering of my sideburns is perfect. I bet no one has ever had a beard this perfectly symmetrical—not even that A.J. asshole from the Backstreet Boys. And screw that guy, anyway. I wanted to have a really thin beard way before he and that band of turd burglars got popular.

I can’t believe I almost gave up and shaved this thing off last month. I thought those two hairs that connect my tiny mustache to the wispy edges of my perfectly shaped “chin strap” would never grow in. But now here they are, in all their glory. And it’s not gross at all.

It’s too bad I have to work tonight. I’d have my pick of the chicks at the club with this exquisite thing on my face. I should call off. I bet Caitlin will be at Cloud with her slutty friends. There’s no way she can resist me like this.

Fuck it. I’m calling off.

God dammit! I wish there was a way to make my hair stop growing… That’s the tragedy of this whole situation. Tomorrow my perfectly shaped, pencil-thin beard will be gone—consumed by a day of growth. It’s kinda like a beautiful sunset in that way: amazing in the moment, but too perfect to last.

Ah, well, I’ll always have today… and that picture. I should drop the film off at a one-hour photo just in case. I really need to get a digital camera.

All right, beard, let’s go get some sleeve.

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