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Conrad

Teacher's Pet...

by Conrad on

Principal Decker: Come in Jimmy, take a seat. I think we both know why you’re down here. Do you want to tell me your side of the story?

Jimmy: Fidgets and sits down, I’m sorry sir I didn’t realize it would be such a big deal.

Principal Decker: Jimmy, don’t feed me that worm. Let’s not fish for excuses.

Jimmy: Well Karl was just sitting there and I went up to him….

Principal Decker: Jimmy, Karl is a monkey. It was very inappropriate to suggest that he should be skateboarding. We all know that monkeys can do far more than skateboard. They can also play hockey and snowboard. Monkey’s have made great strides in a short time. Just a few years ago they were thought to be only good as disease spreaders!

Jimmy: I know! It’s just that Karl always ends up being the star player in everything! It’s like no one understands how ridiculous it is that he’s a monkey!

Principal Decker: Well, we had to find a way to counter that basketball playing werewolf didn’t we?

Jimmy: I guess you’re right. I’m sorry Mr. Decker.

Principal Decker: I’m glad we had this talk. Now go sing Bananaphone like all the other kids.

Jimmy: Sighs Alright.

Principal Decker: Oh and Jimmy…there will be a new student joining your class today. I want you to treat him as well as you would anyone else.


Jimmy Leaves and returns to Class


Teacher: Class, I’d like you to meet our new student. Everyone say hello to Buddy.

Jimmy: This is going to be a Rough day.


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Whiny inmate

I worked at a prison as a corrections officer (prison guard) and there was a particular inmate there who always complained about everything. For three months I endured his rants on how the lights were too bright, the rooms too hot, the blankets too scratchy, and so on. Obviously this is prison and no one gets luxury accommodations. I reached the end of my rope one morning... Read More » when I had to go down the run and wake him up at 7 AM for transport somewhere else in the state for a medical procedure. The guy is all grumpy, complaining about how I'm getting him up at the "ass crack of dawn." He demanded to be allowed time to take a shower, heat and drink some coffee and have a smoke. The van taking him away was already waiting for him and I knew for a fact that he'd taken a shower before going to bed the night before. I told him there wasn't time for any of that, he just had to get dressed and get to the van. He begins swearing and ranting about how inhumanely we were treating him and after months of his complaints I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I know, it sucks how early you have to get up to get your free medical care, huh?" I told him. He was immediately silent . He got dressed and left in a huff. I later found out how he wrote a grievance to the warden about my comment. Inmate complaints are occasionally reason for worry, so I was nervous when the warden called me in to his office. It turned out he just thought my comment was hilarious and told me to keep up the good work.